I've got a summons for jury service.

[Sir C]

I wouldn't mind so much if it was the Old Bailey and the chance of serial killer, but.. Croydon Crown Court? :-(

[barrybueno]

:hehe: My second home back in the day...

Sounds like an excuse/chance to hook up and have a pint or two imo. Not actually in Croydon obviously...

[Sir C]

:hehe: My second home back in the day...

Sounds like an excuse/chance to hook up and have a pint or two imo. Not actually in Croydon obviously...

My understanding of these matters, b, is that to 'hook up' in modern parlance means to meet for casual sex.

Your place or mine?

[Pat Vegas]

My understanding of these matters, b, is that to 'hook up' in modern parlance means to meet for casual sex.

Your place or mine?

Careful fellas I watched that movie Philadelphia again last night.
You need to be careful.

[barrybueno]

Oh my :hehe:

I sort of meant just a drink but hey who knows where that may lead?

[SWv2]

I wouldn't mind so much if it was the Old Bailey and the chance of serial killer, but.. Croydon Crown Court? :-(

Don't do it Sir C, say you have to go to Wales to visit the in-laws. Worked for me.

[Sir C]

Don't do it Sir C, say you have to go to Wales to visit the in-laws. Worked for me.

I'm actually on holiday on the dates they've given me so I'll defer it, but they'll only come back with new dates.

[SWv2]

I'm actually on holiday on the dates they've given me so I'll defer it, but they'll only come back with new dates.

Yes I can imagine it is troublesome for the Crown Justice to keep up with the number of holidays you take.

I must say the Irish authorities were very accommodating with my request to be removed, basically wrote back and said "sure you're grand thanks for telling us" and the matter was left at that.

[Sir C]

Yes I can imagine it is troublesome for the Crown Justice to keep up with the number of holidays you take.

I must say the Irish authorities were very accommodating with my request to be removed, basically wrote back and said "sure you're grand thanks for telling us" and the matter was left at that.

Perhaps if I tell this lot that I'm actually Irish, they might let me off.

[SWv2]

Perhaps if I tell this lot that I'm actually Irish, they might let me off.

I expect they would simply reply "No you're not". Which would be fair enough.

[Burney]

I wouldn't mind so much if it was the Old Bailey and the chance of serial killer, but.. Croydon Crown Court? :-(

On the plus side, at Croydon Crown Court you're bound to get something juicy.

Mind you, if you turn up well-dressed, well-spoken, white and clutching a copy of The Daily Telegraph, you'll be rejected by the defence.

[Sir C]

On the plus side, at Croydon Crown Court you're bound to get something juicy.

Mind you, if you turn up well-dressed, well-spoken, white and clutching a copy of The Daily Telegraph, you'll be rejected by the defence.

Couldn't I just phone it in? "He was nicked in Croydon? Guilty."

[Burney]

Couldn't I just phone it in? "He was nicked in Croydon? Guilty."

Just drop them a line letting them know you're a keen racist and very much look forward to helping to lock up the blacks and ethnics. You'll be off the jury list in seconds. Mind you, they might just make you a magistrate.

[Sir C]

Remember when I wrote off an enquired about being a magistrate? I was awfully keen.

Unfortunately, it appeared that my myriad traffic offences debarred me from the role.

[Burney]

Remember when I wrote off an enquired about being a magistrate? I was awfully keen.

Unfortunately, it appeared that my myriad traffic offences debarred me from the role.

Really? That seems ridicules. Surely, as long as it doesn't become a criminal matter, it's a man's right to commit traffic offences without it besmirching his good name?

[Sir C]

Really? That seems ridicules. Surely, as long as it doesn't become a criminal matter, it's a man's right to commit traffic offences without it besmirching his good name?

Well, I had to put details of all traffic offences on the application form, and, considering I had no fúcking idea of how many speeding nicks I'd incurred over the last 30-odd years, it just seemed too embarrassing to have to tell them I was guessing at 'an average of several per year' :-(

[Burney]

Well, I had to put details of all traffic offences on the application form, and, considering I had no fúcking idea of how many speeding nicks I'd incurred over the last 30-odd years, it just seemed too embarrassing to have to tell them I was guessing at 'an average of several per year' :-(

I suppose they worry that you might go easy on similarly challenged chaps. Which of course you would.

[Sir C]

I suppose they worry that you might go easy on similarly challenged chaps. Which of course you would.

Would I fúck. I'd crucify each and every **** misfortunate enough to stand before me. Guilty or innocent, even man jack of them would be going down hard.

I'm a deeply, deeply bitter and twisted individual, b.

[Burney]

Would I fúck. I'd crucify each and every **** misfortunate enough to stand before me. Guilty or innocent, even man jack of them would be going down hard.

I'm a deeply, deeply bitter and twisted individual, b.

You know you can't put the black hat on anymore, don't you?

[Sir C]

You know you can't put the black hat on anymore, don't you?

More's the pity.

Transportation to a penal colony is still within the beak's armoury, of course?

[Burney]

More's the pity.

Transportation to a penal colony is still within the beak's armoury, of course?

Sure, but it's hard to think of anywhere that could be worse than living in New Addington, tbh.