Any of you ****s ever picked up an STD

[Herr Floyd]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

[Sir C]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

We were riddled with poxes of all descriptions in the 80s; no one took very much notice until the herpes scare and then AIDS, of course. In general a course of antibiotics sorted the matter quicksmart.

I suppose there are lots of modern, new diseases which will kill you?

[Pat Vegas]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

Sounds bad Floyd cocktail umbrella down the knob treatment i'm afraid.

[TheCurly]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

It could also be cancer mate

[Herr Floyd]

We were riddled with poxes of all descriptions in the 80s; no one took very much notice until the herpes scare and then AIDS, of course. In general a course of antibiotics sorted the matter quicksmart.

I suppose there are lots of modern, new diseases which will kill you?

Im glad yours was cured ok Sir C. Which did you have? Was it the Herpes?

[Herr Floyd]

Sounds bad Floyd cocktail umbrella down the knob treatment i'm afraid.

Can they not tell with a quick glance? Im not having an umbrella in my japseye Pat let me tell you.

[Sir C]

Im glad yours was cured ok Sir C. Which did you have? Was it the Herpes?

The clap, the syph, penile warts, the whole kit and caboodle, really.

All fine now, except for the pustulating ringpiece. But there you go.

[Pat Vegas]

Can they not tell with a quick glance? Im not having an umbrella in my japseye Pat let me tell you.

blood test and piss in a cup it's easy.
Well getting the piss in the cup is the hard part. then leave it in the hatch. usually with a urine soaked label.

[Herr Floyd]

It could also be cancer mate

Im not too fussed if its cancer. Im more scared of the umbrella ordeal.

[Burney]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

I got one at university. No biggie, really (although it was a little disconcerting at the time). The GU clinic was a sort of portakabin. The only other patients were a worrying thin fellow with what I assume was his boyfriend and a very cross looking black chap.

[Herr Floyd]

The clap, the syph, penile warts, the whole kit and caboodle, really.

All fine now, except for the pustulating ringpiece. But there you go.

Im hoping its the clap. That doesnt sound too bad imo.

[Pat Vegas]

I got one at university. No biggie, really (although it was a little disconcerting at the time). The GU clinic was a sort of portakabin. The only other patients were a worrying thin fellow with what I assume was his boyfriend and a very cross looking black chap.

I like the way the staff at these places talk. all very hush toned. a bit like a funeral parlour.

[Herr Floyd]

I got one at university. No biggie, really (although it was a little disconcerting at the time). The GU clinic was a sort of portakabin. The only other patients were a worrying thin fellow with what I assume was his boyfriend and a very cross looking black chap.

I have not been able to eat since the development Burney and have had the fear ****s too. But I believe everyone gets one at some point so thats some relief.

[Sir C]

Im hoping its the clap. That doesnt sound too bad imo.

You'll definitely need the umbrella, mind.

[Burney]

You'll definitely need the umbrella, mind.

Talking of which, these chaps have given themselves an odd name

https://umbrellahealth.co.uk/our-services/self-sampling-kits

[Sir C]

Talking of which, these chaps have given themselves an odd name

https://umbrellahealth.co.uk/our-services/self-sampling-kits

One hesitates to ask how you came across that site, b :-(

[Burney]

I have not been able to eat since the development Burney and have had the fear ****s too. But I believe everyone gets one at some point so thats some relief.

You probably ought to pull yourself together and be a man rather than some sort of quivering nancy boy.

Venus's curse is nothing to worry about. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime and all that.

[Burney]

One hesitates to ask how you came across that site, b :-(

Look, if a man can't put it about a bit in Birmingham and Solihull without being judged, what's the world coming to? :shrug:

[TheCurly]

You'll definitely need the umbrella, mind.

This may well be the case although I wouldn't rule out the cancer just yet.Imagine HF's embarrassment if he went to the clap clinic with a life threatening cancerous lump.He'd be mortified

[Burney]

This may well be the case although I wouldn't rule out the cancer just yet.Imagine HF's embarrassment if he went to the clap clinic with a life threatening cancerous lump.He'd be mortified

Interestingly, I went to A&E with a life-threatening cancerous lump and they kept trying to make out it was an STD. It wasn't until I insisted that it was almost certainly testicular cancer that I got referred on. Dozy ****s.

[SWv2]

Interestingly, I went to A&E with a life-threatening cancerous lump and they kept trying to make out it was an STD. It wasn't until I insisted that it was almost certainly testicular cancer that I got referred on. Dozy ****s.

I appreciate it was in your mind an emergency but A+E would strike me as an odd place to go with the cancer.

[Pokster]

Only off your mum

[Burney]

I appreciate it was in your mind an emergency but A+E would strike me as an odd place to go with the cancer.

I was given an emergency referral there by my GP. It was after hours, the specialists had knocked off and he just wanted to get me into the system as soon as possible.

[Snin]

ahh i had the old herpes on the cock about 25 years ago..still get tny flare up or blister on the root every about 5 years imo ..it was from a scaby lipped girls blow job if i tracked it correctly..i had to have the little metal umbella scrape from inside the ***** up the japs eye..certainly made the eyes water imo..i m pretty sure the doctor did it just to pain me

[SWv2]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

Only from your mum Floyd.

BOOM!

Note that a) I have never caught an STD and b) that I have never caught an STD from Floyd’s mum and I apologise unreservedly for the suggestion.

However I believe such a reply to be the very essence of AWIMB and quite frankly I am shocked it has not been said already.

Edit: Pokster is a ****

[The Jorge]

I mean a proper one, not a pretend one like thrush. I think I might have which is no surprise considering Ive drilled thousands of chicks. Im a little scared I must admit. Are gum clinics friendly?

Yeah, sorry about that.

In my defence, I did warn your mum I had a dose.

Ah, **** it.

[Monty92]

I got one at university. No biggie, really (although it was a little disconcerting at the time). The GU clinic was a sort of portakabin. The only other patients were a worrying thin fellow with what I assume was his boyfriend and a very cross looking black chap.

What does the third man being black have to do with anything (other than making it much, much funnier)?

[Burney]

What does the third man being black have to do with anything (other than making it much, much funnier)?

Because not to describe him as black would have given the false impression that he was white or some other colour, which he wasn't.

[Monty92]

Because not to describe him as black would have given the false impression that he was white or some other colour, which he wasn't.

Erm, no. You mentioned his colour coz it makes the story funnier :shrug:

[Burney]

Erm, no. You mentioned his colour coz it makes the story funnier :shrug:

Eh? You would describe a scene like that and not mention the skin colour of one of the people in a country where the vast majority of people are white and so the failure to mention skin colour would naturally lead your listeners to assume the person you described was white?

[Monty92]

Eh? You would describe a scene like that and not mention the skin colour of one of the people in a country where the vast majority of people are white and so the failure to mention skin colour would naturally lead your listeners to assume the person you described was white?

Hmmmm. But it does make it funnier, doesn't it.

[Burney]

Hmmmm. But it does make it funnier, doesn't it.

Perhaps. He had his arms folded if that helps, too.

[Ash]

Eh? You would describe a scene like that and not mention the skin colour of one of the people in a country where the vast majority of people are white and so the failure to mention skin colour would naturally lead your listeners to assume the person you described was white?

What were the colour of his socks? They are, after all, as important as the colour of his skin.

[The Jorge]

What were the colour of his socks? They are, after all, as important as the colour of his skin.

In fairness, people with brown socks are not thirty times more likely to be stopped and searched by police. People with brown skin are.

[Burney]

In fairness, people with brown socks are not thirty times more likely to be stopped and searched by police. People with brown skin are.

They damn well should be.

[Burney]

What were the colour of his socks? They are, after all, as important as the colour of his skin.

I've no idea. I didn't see his socks. :shrug:

[redgunamo]

In fairness, people with brown socks are not thirty times more likely to be stopped and searched by police. People with brown skin are.

That explains why I've never been stopped and spun by the police, I suppose.

[Mo Britain less Europe]

I caught crabs once but not sexually transmitted.