I've been invited on a stag do, to Newcastle of all places

[Classic Jorge]

Unortunately around 60pc of the attendees are from various constabularies, what is the polite way to decline this invitation without getting strip searched and having my kidneys pulverised?

[Pat Vegas]

[Classic Jorge]

Off the chart banter, more whores than a west end phonebox, more David Guetta than it's possible to play.

:-(

[redgunamo]

[Classic Jorge]

[redgunamo]

[Luis Anaconda]

[Pat Vegas]

and engaging in strange services.

I went to one in Oxford last year. we had to dress as English gentleman, It was nice until we got to the night club where we looked like a bunch of old cunds.

[Classic Jorge]

[redgunamo]

[Pat Vegas]

[Luis Anaconda]

[Classic Jorge]

Then the alpha (papa) male of the squard chipped in with the idea of putting him on the ferry to calais, I think he finds the idea of him naked in a refugee camp humorous.

:-( Banter

[redgunamo]

[Classic Jorge]

What sort of a stag do location is that? Bloody hell, I thought the won in York a few years back was a poor choice.

[Classic Jorge]

Personally I'm just trying to extricate myself from the facebook group chat.

[Berni]

should be a key part of the mix. Thus you find yourself being asked to quad bike or go down zip lines for much of the day rather than doing what you want to do, which is drinking.

[Classic Jorge]

[Luis Anaconda]

after several hours of drinking :-( Apparently accidentally pushing one of the poorly constructed doors a tad too hard is frowned upon

[Ashberto]

[Pat Vegas]

as they are on the pull as soon as the day starts.

Yet they bang on about how lovely their wife or girlfriend is.

[Classic Jorge]

[Pat Vegas]

http://www.wow247.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Richard-Obrien-Crystal-Maze.jpg

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

your hipster credentials. They'll understand, j.

They all know you're too cool for school.

[redgunamo]

Or are they simply careful not to arrange such functions themselves?

[71 Guns - channeling the spirit of Mr Hat]

listening to weedy guitar bands I would imagine.

[Classic Jorge]

I do mind doing flaming sambuca shots in a Yates' Wine Purgatory in the Bigg Market whilst listening to an endless loop on LMFAO's greatest hit, with 10+ old bill.

Obviously you as a man of the people might be more up for it, in fact if we removed your monocle and died your hair I'm sure you could go in my stead.

[Pat Vegas]

instruments and create new music.
They can then listen to them on giant headphones whilst picking veg from the local farm.

[Pat Vegas]

then get on and have a drink and something to eat.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

You may be over-analysing this.

[Ashberto]

with Miss Tetley Tea Bag 1992 on your arm and after drinking Reidy's cocktails of over cleaner and ralgex out of a stripper's shoe, like a Proper Football Man.

[Ashberto]

Women allowed, of course.

[Berni]

[Luis Anaconda]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Newcastle is like Paris compared to Bradford.

[redgunamo]

[Classic Jorge]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

It's a little bit snobby to sneer at the kulaks and the petit bourgeois taking some small pleasures, no?

[Classic Jorge]

They brew coffee in the building I work from now ffs

[redgunamo]

he wasn't a snob.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

prosperous success story.

wd Gideon!

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03368/snaps_ids-about-ap_3368683a.gif

[Classic Jorge]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/northern-powerhouse-dep artment-close-sheffield-7265022 (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/northern-powerhouse-department-close-sheffield-7265022)

Actually, Bradford's regeneration has been a bit of a long, drawn out process but it's certainly not been helped by the council having to lay off 40pc of front line staff or the HMRC relocating a 4000 people away from the area, or by the crazy idea to unfortunatelyt drop wind and solar subsidies off a cliff, which has cost the area another few thousand jobs in a matter of months.

[Classic Jorge]

To be honest, the rest I could just about stomach, it's the massive squard of filth I'll struggle with most.