I'm off to the darts at Lakeside tonight

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I've just been told that we're meeting in the Wetherspoons in Farnborough at 3 :-(

This isn't going to end well, is it?

[PSRB]

at the players

[Berni]

Maybe you'll end up having fisticuffs with someone? You haven't done that for a while and there are bound to be people there you find hugely offensive.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

And another, in the kebab shop afterwards, when that man took out his scrotum and pressed it against the refrigerated cabinet :-(

I'm not sure I can cope with another night like that.

You have to buy big jugs of fizzy lager. And queue up for scampi and chips, with a tray, like you're in prison.

[Berni]

I know what you mean, though. Slumming it always sounds like a laugh and is at first. But as the night wears on, you realise that all your layers of defensive irony can't protect you and that you have become indistinguishable from those around you.

It's one of the reasons I stopped going to football. :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

These people make football crowds look like an opera audience.

And those jugs of lager...