I watched a film called 'Call Me Lucky' yesterday about a very tiresome lefty comedian in the US

[Berni]

called Barry Crimmins. He then revealed on stage that he got raped as a child, which led him to go on a crusade against the nonces and be one of the first people to start going after them on their AOL chatrooms in the very early days of the internet. He now lives alone in a cabin in the woods.

It wasn't a lot of laughs, tbh.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The glw's out tonight. I have decided to prepare crab mornay.

[Berni]

I do like a mornay, though. Did a salmon one the other day. I hardly ever eat salmon, but just now and again it hits the spot.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

deep fat fryer. I chucked the whole machine in the bin afterwards, so enraged was I.

It'll be a sort of crab, scallop and prawn thermidor, really.

[Monty91]

I have an jizz-inducing FIVE weekdays to myself between now and the New Year and plan to spend all of them pretending my life isn't totally f**ked.

[Witharby 2-3 weeks]

Would not mind Stones, Barkley and Lukaku in our squad.

[Berni]

occur. This is the sort of knowledge one gains from having an erstwhile f-in-l who ran a chippy.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I had dinner at Lima but didn't really get what the fuss was about.

Why have you only 5 days to yourself? Is it the constant round of media-luvvie parties demanding your presence?

I'm not going to any Christmas dos this year :cloud9:

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Barkley? Lukaku? http://www.awimb.com/images/smiley_icons/xmashehe1.gif

Yesterday you were giving Ramsey some stick. Today you speak to me of Barkley.

"Faaaahkin Talbot!"

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I failed to learn.

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

knows what others dos are on which other dates, do they?

I'm off Christmas this year.

[Witharby 2-3 weeks]

Even so, they would add immensely to the squad and would only cost 110-130 million

[Monty91]

in 20 months, Jeff.

Everyone’s gone mad for Peruvian food in the last few years. Not bad for a country whose national delicacy involves flattening a guinea pig with a shovel, sticking it under a grill and slopping it on your plate.

[Witharby 2-3 weeks]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Monty91]

with two gaping holes to fill, incase you've got any suggestions.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

have some peace and quiet?

Do not waste this precious time engaging in self-pollution, m. Brisk walks or callisthenics will keep body and mind pure.

Any involuntary tumescence may be dealt with by bathing the offending member in cold water or, alternatively, applying a sharp blow to the end with a crucifix or other holy relic.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I have dinner in town on Thursday. I've booked Rules. :shrug:

[Berni]

And f**kers keep inviting us to New Year's Eve parties. I'm resisting hard, as the last time I ended up being poisoned with Jagerbombs and sambucca and roaring and bellowing in the street.

[Monty91]

five years who isn’t lost or begging.

Rules is probably just about right and what a lovely setting in which to see out your years as a man about town. I'm sure you have lots of wonderful memories to dine out on - some of which may even be based on reality.

[Luis Anaconda]

A billion times worse than Ramsey

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

inelegantly composed.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

If in doubt, **** the f**king thing as hard as possible. Whither, matters not.

[eastgermanautos]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[eastgermanautos]

Have you watch our finest comedic products: elf for example. Then agakin friday, or pineapple express. I defy you to keep a straight face. Don't be a muslim, bruv.

[PSRB]

one assumes that'll improve with experience but I wouldn't bet on it

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

You're the one going on about chicken and waffles, for Christ's sake!

Chicken and f**king waffles? Seriously, foreigners are f**ked up beasts.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

I simply said that this bloke was American and tiresome. I didn't extrapolate from that.

[Berni]

Thank heavens the Good Lord compensated us with outsized genitalia, I say.

[eastgermanautos]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

You just juxtapose random words and imagine that it means something.

'Soul food'? 'Roscoe's'? What are you talking about, man?

[eastgermanautos]

[Berni]

So you've got fried chicken, right? And you eat that and it's nice. But you've also got waffles. Which are sweet and covered in something sweet, I'm guessing.

So here's my question: WHAT THE FARTING F.UCK ARE THOSE THINGS DOING ON THE SAME PLATE?

Seriously, what is f**king wrong with you people?

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

They confuse and scare me, b.

[eastgermanautos]

picture of me eating haggis in edinburgh. So.

[Berni]

He's been known to call men out for less, e. :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Haggis is the demented invention of the third world region to our north. It has nothing to do with us.

CHICKEN WITH SYRUP?

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[eastgermanautos]

http://www.roscoeschickenandwaffles.com/

[Berni]

You've got ice cream and fried chicken ON THE SAME PLATE! Do you not see how wrong that is? You're going to get melted ice cream on your fried chicken, ifs! That's not a meal, that's a major culinary accident.


https://static.wixstatic.com/media/f22d41_39af675c2e6c4e26922cd9b10935eae0.jpg/v1/fit/w_326,h_136,q_75,usm_0.50_1.20_0.00,lg_1/f22d41_39af675c2e6c4e26922cd9b10935eae0.jpg

[eastgermanautos]

the contributions of david hume, john locke, the proclaimers, j.k. rowling. *now you are ashamed of your northern cousins!

[eastgermanautos]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The pork pie. All. Without. Sugar.

Those individuals may all get right to f**k. I shall have no truck with any of them. (I'm not sure Locke was jock but I don't really care, he can f**k off anyway.)

[eastgermanautos]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[eastgermanautos]

[Berni]

them, but that's no reason not to use them, dear boy.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

We would use such a word to describe, for example, God appearing to us surrounded by angels blowing horns, but not, really, for being handed a doughnut.

[Berni]

I had my mouth full at the time, otherwise I might have said something sarcastic that he wouldn't have understood.

[eastgermanautos]

[Alexism - Atheoist]

FFS man!

Hey! Read the bit below http://www.awimb.com/images/smiley_icons/xmashehe1.gif

[Berni]

gentleman.

Now repeat after me: 'In Hertford*, Hereford** and Hampshire***, hurricanes hardly ever happen.'

*Hart-ferd
** Her-a-ferd
***Hamp-sher

[eastgermanautos]