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View Full Version : I love these American news stories. Lancaster Man Arrested At Walmart for



Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 11:02 AM
Masturbating with Mayonnaise in Bathroom

Local Authorities were called to the East Lampeter Walmart last evening responding to a call that a man was performing sexual acts on himself with jars of mayonnaise in the men’s bathroom. A bystander witnessed it and ran to customer service where Walmart Employees called police. The witness said he could hear moaning in the stall next to him and all of a sudden an open jar of mayonnaise rolled over into his stall.OT520758S

“This isn’t the firs time we got this call, but customers were able to restrain him from escaping this time. We suspect this man has been violating jars of mayonnaise for about 6 months.” Said Deputy Sergent Mike Grays of the East Lampeter Police.

Police have not yet released the name of the suspect, but they have said that he’s a repeat sexual offender. He has been charged with 3 counts of public lewdness and 2 counts of felony sexual deviancy. Bail will be announced after his scheduled hearing.

Also Trending In Lancaster:


http://peopleoflancaster.com/lancaster-man-arrested-at-walma rt-for-masturbating-with-mayonnaise-in-bathroom/ (http://peopleoflancaster.com/lancaster-man-arrested-at-walmart-for-masturbating-with-mayonnaise-in-bathroom/)




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PSRB
10-30-2015, 11:33 AM

Classic Jorge
10-30-2015, 11:37 AM
Lets face it, the last thing you want is some sort of deviant ripple messing with your mayonaise.

I can only assume the alarm was sounded when he accidentally got busy with some horseradish.

Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler
10-30-2015, 11:41 AM
http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/almunia.jpg

Berni
10-30-2015, 11:42 AM
cannot be 'violated'?

Classic Jorge
10-30-2015, 11:45 AM
Especially the american wons who pronounce vehicle "vee-heee-hickle"

Sir Charlie of Nicholas
10-30-2015, 11:48 AM
I mean, imagine dumping a load of mayonnaise on your chips and digging in, only to find yourself chewing on a mouthful of jizz. I'd say you're going to consider that mayonnaise to have been violated.

Berni
10-30-2015, 11:54 AM
have been adulterated.

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 11:54 AM
They do love going about how great bacon is, t-shirts, memes and the like.

They would like it even more if they had proper bacon.


*classic Pat topic change.

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 11:55 AM

Sir Charlie of Nicholas
10-30-2015, 11:56 AM

Sir Charlie of Nicholas
10-30-2015, 11:57 AM
A sick, sick nation.

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 11:57 AM

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 11:59 AM
I tried the sausages with syrup in new york not for me.

Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler
10-30-2015, 12:00 PM
:fashion:

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 12:01 PM

Berni
10-30-2015, 12:02 PM
Don't get me started on 'beef bacon' and 'turkey bacon', f.

The horror….the horror!

Pat Vegas
10-30-2015, 12:04 PM
instead I have to ask for Turkey and Turkey ham sandwich.
Ridicules.

Even though subway is a bit crap I'll have it now and again.

Berni
10-30-2015, 12:06 PM
yet both managed to taste exactly the same. How did they manage this?

Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler
10-30-2015, 12:07 PM
Bit of the old French toast, crispy bacon & maple syrup for the very hungover breakfast.

Snin
10-30-2015, 01:05 PM
quite well and is a nice off set to the pile of pancakes with the said syrup ..