So with the wife away, the question arises of what to have for dinner.

[Berni]

So far, the options that occur are:

Mixed kebab
Fishfingers, chips and peas
Experimental toasted sandwiches (if she hasn't thrown out the Breville)
Experiments with the deep-fat fryer involving sausages and batter

Thoughts, AWIMB?

[Rich]

fishfinger salad? It is a Monday, after all.

[Grinner]

[Pat Vegas]

[Berni]

I don't need salad. I need something solid.

[redgunamo]

[Berni]

[Pokster]

[Prat]

Pert

[Berni]

And frankly, that wasn't the sort of badly-packed kebab I had in mind.

[Jake]

Loads of bread and butter.

Sorted.

[Berni]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

[Berni]

all the time. I'm looking for something I wouldn't eat if she were here.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Dopey south african c**t.

[Pat Vegas]

[Berni]

[Jake]

All can be banged in the oven.

[Rich]

I'd have suggested a chicken salad, but I'm not sure that Berni intends to go shopping before supper. Therefore he'll have to make the best of what he has.

[Pokster]

[Classic Jorge]

What b's after here is a cullinary experience that feels like marital infiidelity.

[Berni]

[Jake]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Really there should be no debate here and the food should be brought to your door by a cheerful but poorly paid delivery man.

An Indian I would suggest.

Failing this a Chinese. A poor substitute really for the above option but instantly gratifying in the first 4-7 mouthfuls.

[Pat Vegas]

but include all the elements of an English breakfast.

[Berni]

I want something that, when I've finished with it, I just want to get out of the door as quickly as possible without giving it my phone number.

[Classic Jorge]

And leave you with documents that smell of ladyparts

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

[Pokster]

[Classic Jorge]

But dont want to look at in the morning.

[Berni]

This, for me, completely ruins things. Not for any racist things, but because it spoils the ambience.

[Berni]

[Jake]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

To deliver the product needs an in-depth knowledge of the streets of Enfield, the knowledge once can only get from years on the street that perhaps certain addresses in Gordon Hill are essentially no-go zones.

Your food however will have been prepared by a bona fide Chinaman who learned the recipe for crispy chicken balls from his mother and indeed her mother before that.

[Pokster]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

A few years back when I was in charge of the Xmas dinner I eschewed all traditions and served up a feast of different M+S party food instead.

It was ace and apart from trying to co-ordinate the various timings it was fuss free.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

I take it you would deny them this?

The real Pokster stands up.

[Classic Jorge]

http://41.media.tumblr.com/a1987c5c7b9127d4aa15526b53735d4c/tumblr_n94pk1OsBi1rd1aw5o1_1280.png

[Monty91]

that it will arrive at room temperature, as they rest it for 45 minutes.

What would you have said, SW?

[Pat Vegas]

Indian food by Eastern European blokes.

What I do like having a wide variety of cultures delivering my food is they don't really get upset when I don't tip them.
I always made a point of it but now not having any cash around.

[Ashberto]

Phwoar!

[Berni]

Once upon a time, one might have hoped this would lead to a comical conversation when ordering my food along the lines of:

"Where you rive?"
"Ware"
"That what I asking! Why you no risten? Where you rive?"
"Ware"
And so on..

But sadly, the people in the restaurant speak perfect English, which spoils even that. :-(

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Naturally I would have questioned the entire transaction in the first place. How did they expect to run a restaurant when asking people to wait 45 minutes, benefits of resting meat acknowledged and all that.

Or was it take away?

How did you proceed?

[Monty91]

Much like 4-year-old Syrian boys, they just don't travel well.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

the same low-quality meat in gloop) and instead stick to items such as sweet and sour chicken balls, Singapore nooodles, Ribs in sauce, etc, which aren't ****.

[Pat Vegas]

f**k it is.

you know what you've ordered but your not quite sure what is what.

[Monty91]

This was a restaurant in London's trendy Soho.

I shrugged and said "You know best".

It was bloody delicious to be fair. Much more depth of flavour when eaten ambient.

[Ben.]

White bread , plenty of butter and sauce.

[Norn Iron]

First you have to remember to buy the ingredients. Then you need to remember to defrost it. Then you always forget a vital part of the ingredients and it ruins it. I'm **** at cooking so it tastes like nothing anyway. Then there's washing dishes.

Take out is the way to go.

[Jake]

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

No, I'm looking for the equivalent of a knee-trembler in an alley with a five- or six-pinter who has a 50-50 chance of giving you the clap.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

A true king of chinese meals.

Many a very drunken night spent in Chinatown trying to construct those pancakes and then find your mouth.

[Monty91]

http://zing-zing.co.uk/

And even then, I'll only order it impulsively and usually regret it.

[Monty91]

cloying plum or hoi sin sauce

This is the ****

http://www.epicurus.com/food/recipes/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Cantonese-Roast-Duck.jpg

[Jake]

The pork belly is decent but most of the other stuff is v disappointing.

Busaba calamari and chicken wings are genuinely out of this world.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

The whole new house/flat thing working out well then Norn???

[Berni]

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

That's the extent of my inpit, I'm afraid.

[Norn Iron]

I need a wife :-)

[Berni]

Everything else just involves a certain amount of undesirable arseache, doesn't it? http://www.awimb.com/images/smiley_icons/ohwell.gif

[Norn Iron]

I buy stuff to make it smell nice at all times. I can only describe it as smelly ointment with sticks in it :hehe:

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Kind of like getting a takeaway.

[Berni]

a tart's boudoir.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

sandwiches, each anointed with a sliver of onion, a piece of lettuce, a spritz of lemon and a nibble of pickled chilli.

You should get 15 mini sandwiches from a large pitta.

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Oh.

[redgunamo]

[Berni]

Obviously, it would all have to be gone before the cleaner comes on Wednesday. Can't have her knowing my shame. :-(

[Ben.]

I'd probably go with the tried and trusted.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[barrybueno]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6Kj17oVHAk

[Berni]

[Luis Anaconda]

Possibly proving that hummus is worse for you than beer :rubchin:

[redgunamo]

[Berni]

[Berni]

Then I would have wondered what hellish sequence of events had taken place that meant you were in my bedroom. :yikes: