About 10 days ago I had a call from an agency with a job that sounded rather interesting. Heard back

[Pat Vegas]

from them today.

'the company is doing some suitability workshops in the next 2 weeks when are you available'

Suitability workshops :rolleyes: f**k off.

[Berni]

Sounds like a company to avoid, tbh.

[Pat Vegas]

What do we do?
Sell more pizzas, have more fun.

[Berni]

infantile, intelligence-insulting and patronising bull****.

This is a hard and fast rule of life.

[Classic Jorge]

http://originaldave77.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/swanson-pyramid-of-greatness-pc-2560x1600.png

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Businesses recruit now and they get ****loads of applicants.

Agencies use these 'workshops' to try and show how many suitable candidates they have for the position by asking all and sundry from their books to attend. It is also a way for them to prolong their own involvement in the process and kerching.

I met with one of these agencies recently looking to employ 5-10 people on a short term contract. They suggested 2-3 all day workshops with suitable staff which of course they would manage but I would have to attend, "buy into" I think being the actual term the f**ker used.

Naturally I was filled with fear and voiced my disapproval. Why else does one engage an agency other than to avoid this type of business *******s.

The meeting ended.

[Classic Jorge]

Sure, there were a lot of goalfocussedteamplayer****s before but they seem to have a new level of zeal nowadays, as if emboldened somehow by the mantra that you can be an odious, thick, talentless, dull, irritating and unoriginal sack of offal and still succeed in business.

Seriously, f**k alan sugar, f**k him in his wrinkled ballbag faced ear.

[Pat Vegas]

4 interviews. meet everyone. Meet the yank CEO who reminded me of an American Alan Sugar.


I wouldn't mind if it's for a decent job. This one they said when am I available for the workshop I said never. I am not going to humiliate myself. If someone is possibly interested they can have a chat with me and that's it.

I nearly f**ked off this current job as they made me take a test when I started.

[Berni]

is a serious test of business acumen rather than a freak show designed to encourage idiots to behave idiotically in front of a camera.

Does the fact that Sralan 'Email/Phone' Sugar doesn't even employ the winners anymore not give them a clue?

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Trying their best to justify their own role.

In my case they wanted to use these workshops to test applicants across a varied range of data input tests – speed, accuracy etc. We then in theory cherry pick the best and offer them a position.

Well f**k off then and do the ******* tests as part of them signing up to your agency, not on my time. Just send me the best people.

I was angry when I left the room. c**ts.

Of course my boss thought this was f**king great. Another c**t.

[Berni]

[Classic Jorge]

Well done for not getting c/reamed though.

f**king data entry clerks. You'd be better off dropping a line to the careers person at the local college or uni.

[Classic Jorge]

I only have people on my team who I like, trust and respect.

This is why I like to work alone.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Students are not always reliable.

Factor in the Irishness of some or most of these students and they are a f**king nightmare. You can more or less give up on Mondays and Fridays.

[Pat Vegas]

There knowledge of the role is limited so they make assumptions based on the CV and decide not to put you forward.

So many times I applied for something online only for them to call me with something completely different. I suspect some of the adverts are not real. Like when you see cheap flats up you see the estate agent fella and he tells you he has another one which is more expensive.

[Ashberto]

I get all Peter Mannion whenever I hear 'workshop' used for sitting around and talking.

[Classic Jorge]

We had a business event a few years back and one of the ideas tabled was an "Enterprise Apprentice" section.

I believe I may have shocked a few people, most of whom were bovine public sector types, with the levels of my hatred for the show.

[Classic Jorge]

Only really valuable when you're being tested on your actual job, not how to make an imaginary raft in order to cross an imaginary stretch of water in a very real industrial estate car park.

[Ashberto]

What's he got against Sheep protein though?

[Pat Vegas]

[Classic Jorge]

[Classic Jorge]

[Pat Vegas]

interview?
I said what interview exactly?

ohhhhhhhhh sorry we didn't tell you.

but that aside I am no longer looking to leave my job.
:masterplan: I have also successfully smoothed over the horrible situation that had arisen recently.

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

becomes a 'machine shop', surely?

Nobody ever says 'Let's machine shop this idea', though, do they?

[Berni]

[Ashberto]

No agency would ever have put me forward for my current job, as although I had done it before, it was using slightly different technologies (database platforms, reporting tools etc). They would have demanded two years experience on these specific things. Fortunately the CEO who I had worked for before knew nothing about this and just hired me. No CV, no interview. Took me about a day to get up and running with the new stuff.

[Ashberto]

single second of it.

[Ashberto]

"No, we'll need stronger ideas than that. I think we'll have to machine shop them."

[Ashberto]

on a desert island. That'll come in handy.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]