Good Things The Yanqui Has That You Never Knew About.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Part One in an occasional series:

Jon Stewart.

That's it.

[Monty91]

What are your impressions so far?

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

He has a kind face which, as you know, is the quality I most favour.

[Monty91]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

These attributes are the antithesis of leftism.

[the splendor of antigone]

[Berni]

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/jon-stewart-in-2000-interview-i-w ould-say-im-more-of-a-socialist/ (http://www.mediaite.com/tv/jon-stewart-in-2000-interview-i-would-say-im-more-of-a-socialist/)

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Norman Tebbitt is a socialist by US standards.

[Berni]

I'd be a socialist in America. And so would you. :cry:

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Since there is about as much chance of my being on Jupiter as in Amerika.

[Luis Anaconda]

[Berni]

or was it simply a cumulative process?

I mean immigration is enough to make you want to get straight back on the plane (which I suspect is the idea), but I've never hated the place as viscerally as you clearly do.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Immigration, as you say. Standing in a queue at MIA, watching my connecting flight disappear into the distance, wondering how they could dare to treat an Englishman so shoddily.

Signs on hotel windows telling me I might hurt myself if I threw myself out.

I remember getting off a boat at Alcatraz and being bombarded, utterly bombarded, by signs, automated announcements and shouted announcements to the effect that disembarking from this vessel was DEADLY DANGEROUS and that I was almost certain to die! if I didn't walk competently.

A man approached me in the street in San Fran to let me know that he thought I shouldn't smoke. In the street.

The food. Especially what passes for a 'steak'. :hehe: Great if you enjoy corn-fed mush.

A woman who told me how nerve-wracking it was to be American because of the terrorist atrocities committed in the country, erm, once. She had never heard of the IRA.

The final straw might have been an occasion I was in a bar in a hotel which was showing the local college football game on a Friday night. They had a US air force fly-by and they all sang the national anthem with their hands on their tits.

They'll fine you for crossing the road when you judge that it's safe to cross. Indeed, the 'Land of the Free' is surely one of the least free countries I have ever visited.

The whole ridiculous, shallow, dull, hypocritical ****pit will get along perfectly well in my absence, of course. Good luck to them; they can have it the way they want it, I just don't have to suffer it.

Afterward

It seems, re-reading that, that many of the things that made me swear off the US 10 years ago have now become commonplace in the UK...

[Berni]

to order food as well if I want a Bloody Mary with my brunch and certainly doesn't extend to smoking.

They are weirdly puritanical. I remember ordering a beer with my lunch once in a sandwich shop and the shop assistant seemed genuinely shocked, continually repeating that the meal came with a free bucket of 'soda' and that I didn't 'need' to have a beer. :furious: I had to insist in the end.

This while surrounded by acres of lardarses who were happily guzzling their sodas - but no, I was the weird one for wanting a beer.

That said, I have had some very good times there as well. Once you get past their insular weirdnesses, they can be OK.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

There are bits I know i'd love to take v as well.

But I've made a vow. And, as we know, "When a man takes an oath, he's holding his own self in his own hands like water, and if he opens his fingers then, he needn't hope to find himself again."

[Berni]

I'll bet he was absolutely no fun to go drinking with.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Was Bolt not responsible?

[Berni]

fingers.

[Snin]

hes the only one i like imo..rands crap

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I've never watched a tranny on TV.

[Supermac1976]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Supermac1976]

[PSRB]

had that in Carmel. Went outside and round the corner for a smoke and when I got back in, some **** decided to round on me about smoking and the smoke drifting back in.
I told him in no uncertain terms to f**k off as that's where the ashtray as is and therefore where I'm supposed to go. We'd all been very chatty up to that point