I will never book a small hotel or B&B in the UK ever again.

[Pat Vegas]

Sometimes they seem like a good option or a bit cheaper but generally I find them a complete headache.

I have a booking for this weekend for myself I am trying to cancel. Nobody answers the phone or replies to emails. Then when you stay you need to call them to say when you are arriving and if you are late they start acting like idiots.

When I stayed in Stratford upon Avon once I stayed in a very small B&B. Reviews are nice but the owner was a complete tosser. I said I'd be there about 9 o clock. We got there at 9.15pm. 'You are late' Then we couldn't get rid of the bloke. This is how the shower works. this is how the Tv works. This is BBC 1. Ok thanks. Here are some maps of the area.

Fair enough.

When we checked out. We came down and said, We are checking out, 'OK' we had nice time 'ok put the keys on desk' Can we leave our bags for a while 'No I'm going to London now'

:shrug:

They always seem to have a grumpy Scot bloke in them too.

[Berni]

Ultimately, it's a stranger's house, isn't it? Plus, it didn't help that the last one I stayed in on a cricket tour, I found a half-eaten bag of peanuts in my bed and my teammate in the next room found a pair of underpants under his pillow, at which point he texted me plaintively 'Sex offenders are housed in better conditions than this'.

Never again.

[Pat Vegas]

I stay in some in Italy usually at Christmas and it's nice. No hassle and actually treated like a business.

Stayed in a weird small hotel in Amsterdam once had an early flight so I went to reception about 5am. Night manager just sitting the watching porn and not realising I am there waiting to check out.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

This place we stayed near Ambleside is theoretically a B&B, but was easily worth the 280 a night http://www.nannybrow.co.uk/

Our usual haunt in France is also officially a B&B http://www.closdulethe.com/

[Pokster]

[Berni]

Basically, if I stay somewhere, I don't want to have to see or interact with the proprietors. I want efficient, but impersonal service.

How's things, btw? Don't suppose you've had any progress, have you?

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

If lacking a bar and flat-screen television.

[Red N White Army]

[Pat Vegas]

Quite easy to meet the people and they left us alone. The LA one was the better of the 2. Plus always fast to reply to my emails. I am still trying to contact this one for this weekend since yesterday morning.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Pooves :cloud9:

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

However, new Amex cards have just arrived and I now feel a little more like a real human being, what with having the facility to feed myself and so on.

Insurance company is being suspiciously helpful as well. No doubt they will higt me with the big 'hahahaha f**k off' anytime now.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Very nice. It is France after all. I wish them well, bon chance as such.

Does look lovely though perhaps not suitable for ‘energetic’ children of the age of my own. One has to always think of fellow holidaymakers.

I assume it has a bar / is licensed of course otherwise what would you do for a 1pm beer in the sun. Basic holiday etiquette here.

[Red N White Army]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Only reasonable explanation for the complete lack of steaming in and using those metal things to forcefully open the doors.

Not even a reasonable explanation really for your perspective.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I will try not to be abusive.

[Red N White Army]

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Have you been down the station dealing with the crime and spoken to a person directly dealing?

Your crime is obviously and understandably the biggest crime in the UK at the moment, to you and the Mrs. But at the same time it isn't.

It does appear to be going against protocol for such incidents all the same where the chances of catching the perps with evidence lessens as time goes on and they have successfully fenced them on.

Some street talk in there, feel free to ask for a translation.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Similar situation to myself from memory.

I went for the mandatory 7am pint in Dublin Airport last year and had to explain that beer before breakfast was not normal nor "big".

[Snin]

to come to church with them sunday am at 7.30 am..knocked on door! had to have breakfast with them and some other bloke around table in silence at 9am.. religous knick nacks in toilet..silence aftwer 10pm.. and asked about 30 times if married or planning to..never ever again.. i was about 24 and thought it might be ok and safe some money..nope

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

For 5 hours yesterday we knew where the goods were, approximately, and we had decent cctv images of the perps. The two coppers who came just took the report and told me that the Burglary Squad would be in touch 'shortly' and that they were the ones who would act on this information.

I've just checked, again, and the report has still not reached the Burglary Squad.

Nothing, i repeat, nothing, has been done. Yesterday morning there was a chance of recovering the items and nicking the scrotes. There is now f**k all chance, as you can imagine.

The forces of law and order seem to have abandoned us. However, were I to try doing 35 in a 30, they'd be all over my arse.

It's not good enough.

[Red N White Army]

I have to drive to all* my holiday destinations.

*Which is basically either Center Parcs or the in-laws in France. :-/

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Though I dread to think how many burglaries the Met has to deal with on a daily basis.

There has been a spate of them recently in my area of South Dublin, by all accounts An Garda Siochana are basically running around clueless in their endeavors to either stop them or find them.

Clever buggers are doing all sorts of things to incapacitate home alarms while others are brazenly thieving in broad daylight and on occasion with the people still in.

We thought my neighbour was being burgled a while back. Upon entering the house I made my way up the stairs into the various rooms armed with a tennis racquet.

f**k only knows what I hoped or intended to do.

http://www.awimb.com/images/smiley_icons/ohwell.gif

[Berni]

I doubt their news desk is exactly overloaded with stories and they will offer another means of getting the police to pull their fingers out of their fat arses.

The police hate being shown up for the lazy, incompetent, cowardly, useless f**kers that they are and it might at least give you the satisfaction of embarrassing the *******s.

NB This might involve you having to have a picture of yourself in the local paper looking sad.

[Berni]

whilst copiously filling their trousers, sw.

[Peter]

Amd you had nothing better than a tennis racquet?

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Her husband was out (at the chipper in fact) so she knocked and asked me, understandable that she was a little nervous of entering alone.

It was only when I took the decision to go up the stairs that I decided a weapon may be handy.

They play tennis.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

'Orpington man mourns loss of a quantity of high value electronic equipment and fine timepieces'

I'll have all the travellers in south London camped outside my gate awaiting their turn.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Though I was > 99% sure that the house was empty I must admit to a rush of adrenalin and presumably fear as I entered each room and flicked on the lights, racquet in hand.

At one stage there was clothes hung in an en-suite and the silhouette caused me to nearly have a f**king heart attack which would not have been cool given the situation.

Then I return to my own home and get a “what the f**k did you think you were doing” verbal blast from Mrs SW.

[Monty91]

"he'll be serving a long sentence" before f**king your wife's neighbour on the bed as the assailant laid unconscious.

That's what Bond would have done.

[The Tony]

Had a guy jerking off constantly in one room and a couple arguing constantly in the next.

The next day I checked out and got a room over at the Nottingham university dorms.

It was pretty good for the 19 quid a night....it was during the summer so they rent them out....came with breakfast the next morning....man those students live good....eggs, bacon, shrooms, tomato, kippers etc etc.....

This was back in my high school days when I couldn't afford a nice room at a hotel.

[Berni]

done over by two of these little turds and it's not like they're known for being discreet. All their mates will already know about your place. :-(

[Berni]

[7evens]

[Pat Vegas]

[Ashberto]

For you, special price.

But yeah, B&B is a risk. Had some good ones, had some creepy ones back when I used to use them. It's someone's house, after all, and besides, the lack of F&B options rules them out these days.

We like to stay in inns. Nothing like a nice, cosy 17th century coaching inn.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The *******s have beaten me.

[Berni]

Have you considered purchasing a firearm? Can you imagine the sheer satisfaction of catching one of these f**kers in the act and blowing his knees off? :cloud9:

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I used to stay in one oop norf somewhere. Beverley, that was it. Lovely atmosphere.

[Berni]

North or Cambridge. I imagine it was a lot of fun back in the day.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I'd end up getting bummed in the showers :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

You or I would tell some convincing lies or plant a knife in the f**ker's hand or something. We're not stupid.

[Ashberto]

It must be great fun living in such a puntastic place. Where is it again?

[Berni]

The inhabitants have regular get-togethers. Seriously.

People in the country are weird.

[Ashberto]

Did they receive the message or are you still having to talk to them?

[Berni]

as it would have been churlish, but I fear they're encroaching. :-(

[Peter]

[Ashberto]

You could always move, I suppose.

[Berni]

[andy smith]

I came out of university three-and-a-half stone heavier than when I went in.

[ITSUPFORGRABSNOW]

Nice and cosy inn for all seasons it's called, just up the road from Burford