I had some annoying charity types knock on the door last night.

[Pat Vegas]

I was eating and watching one of these WW2 programmes.

Typical youngsters full of energy. Sort of like fake Americans.

anyway they might have got the wrong idea about me.

I told them I am busy at the moment, 'oh really' Yes sorry I am watching a programme about Hitler so maybe next time.

I thought it was funny afterwards but I didn't mean to say it that way.

[ITSUPFORGRABSNOW]

Two northern lads knocked on our door last night. One started on about using our loo. No bloody way.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

I find the secret to avoiding unwanted callers at the door is to simply not have a front door bell.

Served me well for 12 years.

[ITSUPFORGRABSNOW]

Apparently they had uniforms and badges and everything. She was going to let em in till I said no way shut the door.

[Pat Vegas]

Do you care about dying kids?

Closed questions with only yes answers. at least they get the point,


The religious ones are even more confusing as some of them don't actually want my money. They talk in that weird subdued tone.

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

As in “The Book of Doorstep Thievery”.

While bloke 1 is flirting mildly with your missus and discussing who he thinks killed Lucy Beale, bloke 2 is upstairs grabbing everything he can including credit cards, keys, cash, jewellery and expensive items of portable electronic equipment.

The badges will be fake and he probably doesn’t even need a piss.

[ITSUPFORGRABSNOW]

[Billy Goat Sverige]

Fair play to them, that's quite the commitment to travel the globe spreading their ****e.