So Herb. Tell us (and I never thought I'd say this) where exactly did you school?

[Berni]

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

[Herr Floyd - PEGIDA]

[Classic Jorge]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Classic Jorge]

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

where there were 'no secondary schools' apart from hundreds of perfectly good german schools of course ( go figure ). So the Army paid the vast majority of the fees for a boarding school in England. In truth my school had been public up until the mid fifties when it ran out of money and effectively became a state run Grammar school with a boarding facility but still 'believed'
itself to be a public school.

About 30% of the kids at this place were working class gits like me with fees paid for by the forces and they absolutely hated us in the way only the despicable lower middle classes can. ( The real English middle classes are, by my reckoning, quite the most splendid folk on earth). The other kids, irrespective of class, where a great bunch of blokes and by the fourth form it was like being away from your parents with about 200 brothers and cousins but the people who ran the place? - cvnts to a man.

I won't say exactly where :-D

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

A private school is...well...it's not.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Private schools will take any thick oik or, God forbid, foreigner, if they have enough money.

[Berni]

[Berni]

Might be something to do with their phenomenally good grades, of course.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Sons of African dictators and so forth, I imagine. Probably stems from the old missionary connection.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

[Classic Jorge]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Private school? How f**king dare you, you jumped up little nobody.

[Berni]

for a school in Croydon in the early 1990s. Caused quite the stir, he did.

He could run 100m in 10-ish seconds and was built like a brick ****house, which may explain the relaxation of our normally impeccably racist entrance criteria.

We had a couple of Chinese, a few Hindus of course, the odd muslim and even the occasional Jew, but that was about it.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Africans were one thing, jews another entirely.

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

Less good at not shouting out 'what did you nick?' in front of a copper as I emerged from a shop in Croydon after a disgraceful youthful foray into shoplifting. :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Thanks for that, b. I shall be more circumspect in my dealings with these fellows in future.

[Berni]

connection. Admit I'm right, damn you!

[Berni]

I shat myself every time the phone rang for about six months.

Quite good policing, really, I suppose.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Razzle at a bus stop in Bromley. I was never tempted to shoplift again.

[Berni]

to the severely unimpressed-looking shopkeeper?

[barrybueno]

Best kids programme ever :bow:

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

It went out of business a year or so later. I felt horribly guilty.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick.
South Street Romford, shopping arcade
Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid
Inside my jacket and away double quick.
Good sense told me, once was enough
But I had a cocky eye on more of this stuff
With the Razzle in my pocket, back to have another peek

Instead of being sneeky I strolled inside,
I put my thieving hand on something rude
I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes
'Hold on sonny' said a voice at my side
'I think you've taken one of my books'
Passers by gave me dirty looks
'Not me mister' I bravely lied

We stopped by the window of a jeweller's shop
'If it's money for your lunch, I'd have given you a loan
Have you got any form, were you on your own?
Round to the station and we'll tell the cops'
'I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash
Here's the book back, and here's the cash
I never stole before, I promise I'll stop'

'Crime doesn't pay, you've got honest eyes
If we go to the law another thief is born
And I'll get the book back, creased and torn
So return what you've taken and apologise'
I gave him back his nudie book
I said I was sorry, I slung my hook
With the Razzle in my pocket as the second prize



Read more: Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Razzle In My Pocket Lyrics | MetroLyrics