Driving home on Saturday afternoon I saw an old lady fall over and smash her head open.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

I stopped to assist, as did, happily, a car containing three nurses, another with an off-duty copper and another with a trained first-aider. So far so good.

The old dear was clearly pissed and had a hole in her head the size of a glf ball, from which she was enthusiastically pumping out large quantities of her blood.

I dialled 999 and requested an ambulance and was put through immediately. A charming young lady needed to know exactly what had happened, but EXACTLY, mind. She needed to know the location including the FULL postcode. She needed clarification of the victim's medical history. After 11 minutes of questions she told me she couldn't send an ambulance unless we could get the injured party on the phone to confirm that she wanted one.

The injured party being now in a rambling, mumbling almost comatose condition, this I was unable to do. In the end, the off-duty copper called his station and they managed to get an ambulance out, which arrived very quickly and the pisshead was efficiently dealt with.

The system is clearly f**ked.

[barrybueno]

[Berni]

[Classic Jorge]

I'm keen to know what Sir C bought to the party here, given there were three nurses and a copper.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Are you suggesting I'm not capable of calling an ambulance?

I think I sort of thought that while on these questions were happening she'd pressed the big red button and launched an ambulance so that it was getting nearer by the second. But no. She needed to tick all the boxes on her form.

[Berni]

Very disappointing, tbh.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

She pissed herself, naturally :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Actually I was first on scene, shouting, 'Officer down!'

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

I do believe that is the correct term for the combined services of ambulance, fire and police.

[Classic Jorge]

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/1952308/benny-hill-tap-tap-o.gif

[Snin]

piss head when you have more than 3 cars available to drive her there..you lazy feckers, no wonder nhs f**ked imo..you or they should have just put coat / blacket round her and driven her to the f**king hospital not f**k around on your phones! jesus everyone is bloody phone obsessed these days..remember before phones, you would take the person to hosptial!

[Classic Jorge]

I don't know what you found so hard about it, I managed it.

[redgunamo]

[barrybueno]

actually doing all they can to not send Ambulances out :-(

Imagine having a stroke? So much for every second counts.

[Snin]

a hystercial sir c imo..the amount of calls they must get like that where they just think..why dont you drive or walk them or put them in a taxi tbh

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Are you f**ked in the head?

[Berni]

No drycleaner can be expected to deal with a coat covered in old lady blood and piss.

[Snin]

[Classic Jorge]

Both help enormously. Either that or you just say you're in the EDL and they'll let you off

[Berni]

[Snin]

just f**k about wasting time on mobile phones

[Snin]

f**kers should have jsut popped her in bloody car it wasnt a broken neck or back so no danger to her

[Classic Jorge]

Is Sir C sure he wasn't on the phone to Bupa?

[Snin]

sad scenes

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Honestly. You're too silly to step indoors out of the rain.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[barrybueno]

want some paramedics there asap.

After seeing if they wanted a pint in the local pub of course...

[Berni]

than actually saving lives.

I think that's the point, anyway. I'm still a bit disgusted by Sir C's quasi-pornographic descriptions of wounds and bodily fluids. :-(

[Snin]

safe to move..and if blood loss or head wound then the safest quickest thing to do is to wrap her head up then drive her to hospital asap.. i sir am significantly cleverer than you tbh :) you f**ked up..just admit it

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The operative was clearly in fear of failing in her Duty as laid down by the Politburo and having to answer to her Commissar.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Snin]

to the woods and f**k them..i mean drive them to hospital asap..time could be of essence so best to get them there as he ahd a car or the nurses or the pig why wait for a f**king ambulance?

[Berni]

blood, piss and golfballs is not helping my condition.

[barrybueno]

suppose golf clubs are now going to come into play.

[Classic Jorge]

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

Not for want of trying, either.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

the full food poisoning thing, which meant in sat in my gut for 24 hours doing its work.

The stuff that flew from my bottom yesterday was indescribable. I thought I had unleashed something demonic.

[barrybueno]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

You have just turned up at a hospital with a corpse, a pissy/bloody backseat and a completely f**ked sweatshirt.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

Care to cap things off with a detailed description of the consistency of your ejaculate, maybe?

I accidentally drank too much while watching Gone Girl last night. Then realised it was after midnight, I was pissed and had to be up at 5.30. :-(

[Steve Williams - gay for Mark Knopfler]

Blood can be difficult to get out.

[Classic Jorge]

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/ health-news/nhs-spending-has-been-cut-tories-forced-to-admit -8395976.html (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/nhs-spending-has-been-cut-tories-forced-to-admit-8395976.html)

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

f**king hell, what's Pravda got to say about it?

[Berni]

[Classic Jorge]

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The Telegraph or the Mail or Sun.

It's just The Times, really, isn't it? :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Classic Jorge]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

How can a serious adult not subscribe to The Times?

[Berni]