I have a day at leisure today and have been spending my morning considering what I'd do if a burglar

[Rich]

were to break into my property.

I have several cricket bats in my room, so my number one strategy would be to sneak downstairs and smashing him around the side of the head with one. However, I suspect this wouldl fracture his skull and very probably kill him - with me ending up in prison.

So I wonder, would a full-force thump to the side of the ribcage render him/her incapacitated? I know it would fracture a few ribs and that this is very painful indeed, but would they still be able to stab me despite the pain?

Aiming to break the legs would also be a strong play.

Another option would be to hide in the loft until they had left.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

:shrood: imo.

[Rich]

challenge, tbh.

[Berni]

If you are cramped for room, the bat could be worse than useless, he could close the range and properly f**k you up. Whatever you use, ignore the legalities and ensure that you render the fellow incapable with a single blow. Or hide in the loft.

[devongunner]

[Pokster]

so he can hit him down the corridor of uncertainty

[Berni]

They can get a bit funny if thety think you were ready for violence as questions of pre-meditation come into it. Best to use something apparently innocuous that they might believe was just lying around. Unless you play baseball, of course.

[Rich]

crash down onto the top of his head - which I'm sure would render him unconscious.

And it's all very well to ignore the legalities until you find yourself off to spend a few years at Her Majesty's pleasure, isn't it?

[Berni]

And you can always plant a knife on the f**ker after you've caved their skull in. That makes you golden.

[Pat Vegas]

that they were scared by my mere presence.

Anyway. I often though if I had to attack or try to scare them off what would be the best strategy.

I thought perhaps acting like a complete madman might work. Start running around screaming like a banshee might work. Or just incredibly strange shouting.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

It's an alpha male thing. Chaps feel threatened by a tumescent member.

[Berni]

went up to him and started bellowing in his face. This did the trick, oddly. Might have been my breath, to be fair.

[Rich]

person removes their shirt seconds before a fight. An they aren't the sort of people I'd want to fight.

[Snin]

with a big smile on your face you big bull****ing faggot

[Berni]

Since this probably suggests you are a highly opportunist sex criminal who's going to bum them.

[Berni]

[Monty91]

of the house were neatly piled on the grass. Nothing was taken in the house.

[Classic Jorge]

Though I caught one dangling through my venetian blinds, stuck in the little window above the door, back when I lived in stoke newington.

I gave him a couple of friendly taps with a pick axe handle and when he fell back out the window into the garden I chased him ******* naked through the estate until modesty kicked in.

[Pat Vegas]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Pat Vegas]

[Classic Jorge]

http://www.disgracejones.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Lord-Flasheart.jpg

[Rich]

[Berni]

Or you're using one of them pump thingummies. And I'm sure Sir C doesn't need that sort of thing.

[Pat Vegas]

[Pat Vegas]

only to knock yourself out :hehe:

Or take a piece of glass and start cutting your own chest our tongue.

[Classic Jorge]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

All have failed, naturally :-(

[Classic Jorge]

As preludes to fights go it was both terrifying and magnificent.

[Pat Vegas]

might to do you.

[Berni]

[Classic Jorge]

I think the three of us sort of did both, which only reinforced the geordie public's opinion of southerners.

As if wearing coats wasn't bad enough