View Full Version : I have a day at leisure today and have been spending my morning considering what I'd do if a burglar
were to break into my property.
I have several cricket bats in my room, so my number one strategy would be to sneak downstairs and smashing him around the side of the head with one. However, I suspect this wouldl fracture his skull and very probably kill him - with me ending up in prison.
So I wonder, would a full-force thump to the side of the ribcage render him/her incapacitated? I know it would fracture a few ribs and that this is very painful indeed, but would they still be able to stab me despite the pain?
Aiming to break the legs would also be a strong play.
Another option would be to hide in the loft until they had left.
Sir Charlie of Nicholas
11-12-2014, 09:41 AM
Berni
11-12-2014, 09:47 AM
:shrood: imo.
Berni
11-12-2014, 09:51 AM
If you are cramped for room, the bat could be worse than useless, he could close the range and properly f**k you up. Whatever you use, ignore the legalities and ensure that you render the fellow incapable with a single blow. Or hide in the loft.
devongunner
11-12-2014, 09:57 AM
Pokster
11-12-2014, 09:59 AM
so he can hit him down the corridor of uncertainty
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:01 AM
They can get a bit funny if thety think you were ready for violence as questions of pre-meditation come into it. Best to use something apparently innocuous that they might believe was just lying around. Unless you play baseball, of course.
crash down onto the top of his head - which I'm sure would render him unconscious.
And it's all very well to ignore the legalities until you find yourself off to spend a few years at Her Majesty's pleasure, isn't it?
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:02 AM
And you can always plant a knife on the f**ker after you've caved their skull in. That makes you golden.
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:02 AM
that they were scared by my mere presence.
Anyway. I often though if I had to attack or try to scare them off what would be the best strategy.
I thought perhaps acting like a complete madman might work. Start running around screaming like a banshee might work. Or just incredibly strange shouting.
Sir Charlie of Nicholas
11-12-2014, 10:03 AM
It's an alpha male thing. Chaps feel threatened by a tumescent member.
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:04 AM
went up to him and started bellowing in his face. This did the trick, oddly. Might have been my breath, to be fair.
person removes their shirt seconds before a fight. An they aren't the sort of people I'd want to fight.
with a big smile on your face you big bull****ing faggot
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:06 AM
Since this probably suggests you are a highly opportunist sex criminal who's going to bum them.
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:07 AM
Monty91
11-12-2014, 10:07 AM
of the house were neatly piled on the grass. Nothing was taken in the house.
Classic Jorge
11-12-2014, 10:08 AM
Though I caught one dangling through my venetian blinds, stuck in the little window above the door, back when I lived in stoke newington.
I gave him a couple of friendly taps with a pick axe handle and when he fell back out the window into the garden I chased him ******* naked through the estate until modesty kicked in.
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:08 AM
Sir Charlie of Nicholas
11-12-2014, 10:09 AM
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:10 AM
Classic Jorge
11-12-2014, 10:11 AM
http://www.disgracejones.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Lord-Flasheart.jpg
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:13 AM
Or you're using one of them pump thingummies. And I'm sure Sir C doesn't need that sort of thing.
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:13 AM
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:14 AM
only to knock yourself out :hehe:
Or take a piece of glass and start cutting your own chest our tongue.
Classic Jorge
11-12-2014, 10:14 AM
Sir Charlie of Nicholas
11-12-2014, 10:15 AM
All have failed, naturally :-(
Classic Jorge
11-12-2014, 10:15 AM
As preludes to fights go it was both terrifying and magnificent.
Pat Vegas
11-12-2014, 10:17 AM
might to do you.
Berni
11-12-2014, 10:18 AM
Classic Jorge
11-12-2014, 10:19 AM
I think the three of us sort of did both, which only reinforced the geordie public's opinion of southerners.
As if wearing coats wasn't bad enough
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