Some Things I Learnt About The North.

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

Morecambe is a squalid **** hole.

Mobile telephones do not work anywhere north of Stoke.

There is some great food available if dining at a Michelin-starred restaurant, of which there are a surprising number. However, if one requires an straightforward lunch or supper, in, perhaps, a modest neighbourhood bistro or pub, one should expect to eat rubbish unfit for the piggery. Worse, one will be surrounded by gormless northerners shovelling this crap in as if it is manna from heaven.

Everyone f**ks off home to bed by 9 p.m.

The TV announcers have comedy local accents. It's all 'Ecky thump, now it's time fer 't news by 'eck!' :hehe:

In Chester, which is in Wales, they talk like Scousers and have plenty of money. This was the most confusing bit for me.

[Berni]

a nice hotel once. However, on the evening I was there, I bravely ordered Bouillabaisse in the dining room, only for the waiter to look worried, ask me to wait a moment while he asked the chef.

He came back saying they could do the bouillabaisse, but I'd have to wait a while as it would need to be actually cooked by the chef since he didn't trust anyone else to do it. It was actually quite good and didn't poison me. God knows what kind of filth everyone else was being given, though. :-(

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

[Berni]

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The menu included a pizza suggesting such apparent wrong-headedness that I suspected it might be a work of utter genius, took a deep gulp and ordered it. The promised toppings, tomato sauce, mozarella, chorizo, meatballs and, wait for it, smoked duck, were either the product of a mind depraved by years of sheep-abuse on a fell, or the start of something big.

It turned out to be singularly the vilest thing I have ever taken into my mouth, (and I have taken some vile things in my mouth, as well you know) not particularly because of the esoteric combination of ingredients, but because each individual ingredient was pure, unadulterated filth. I cannot begin to describe the floppy, pallidness of the base, save to say that it was rather like eating a day old corpse.

V had a lasagne which contained so much sugar, it could have reasonably claimed a place on the dessert trolley.

This, and a bottle of Chianti Classico, came in at 27 pounds, so at least it was cheap and nasty and not just nasty.

[Berni]

'the Lake District's premier cinema, restaurant and jazz bar' :hehe: )?

Because - even allowing for Tripadvisor's foibles - Luigi's sounds really properly bad.

http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurants-g186319-c26-Amblesi de_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html (http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurants-g186319-c26-Ambleside_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html)

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

The staff all appeared to hail from somewhere east of Frankfurt an der Oder rather than south of Milan.

I had to retire to my hotel to drink brandy to steady my nerves. The rest I leave to your imagination.

[Berni]

Black pudding pizza? :-(

http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g186319-d1510 183-Reviews-Dodds_Restaurant-Ambleside_Lake_District_Cumbria _England.html#REVIEWS (http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g186319-d1510183-Reviews-Dodds_Restaurant-Ambleside_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html#REVIE WS)

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

This reviewer is from Hereford.

[Jake]

wtf lol

[Sir Charlie of Nicholas]

In a f**kign risotto? Are they mental?

[Berni]

Sweet, suffering Jesus. :cry:

I can see why you went for the Etna, but the duck sausage was your giveaway, there. No possible reason for that to happen.

And shouldn't tomato and mozzarella be a given on any pizza?

[Jake]

Northern, definitely.

[Dorset Gooner]

racecourse as does Chester of course. Both unique if a nightmare for the serious punter.

[Supermac1976]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/03/17/article-1367363-0B39EBED00000578-224_468x471.jpg
Dirty fecking *******s.

[Berni]

[Berni]

[Dorset Gooner]

& I missed that. 2. He is losing his touch.

[Supermac1976]