Berni
01-17-2014, 03:25 PM
Quote:
Last night saw the first Westminster Corresponents' Dinner since the 1970s. Much like the President at its White House counterpart, the PM did a comedy turn as he addressed "fellow members of Team Nigella".
Say what you like about Cameron – he can tell a decent joke.
On the Bullingdon
"The last time I was at a dinner this posh Boris spent the rest of the night in prison."
On Boris
"I remember canvassing in a South Hampstead suburb during the London Mayoral election and this very attractive, relatively middle aged woman came to the door and said: 'Boris! Lovely to see you! You are the father of one of my children!' The white hair stood up on end. He said, 'Oh, God, oh cripes, oh. The media, what do you want? Is it money?' She said: 'No, your are the father of one of my children! I'm her maths teacher.'"
On the White House dinner
“It is a glitzier affair. You’ve got the most powerful names in the media, having dinner with the biggest names in showbiz. You’ve got movie stars and senior editors all rubbing shoulders. We have a different name for that sort of thing. It’s called the Leveson Inquiry.”
On Lynton Crosby
“He couldn’t make it tonight. He is currently Down Under helping the English cricket team. He wrote me saying, ‘Can’t make it Dave. You’ll never believe it, but I’ve wound up with a bunch of another bunch of Poms who can’t stick to the effin’ script.”
On Alan Rusbridger
“Very sorry he can’t be here tonight. He wrote to tell me. ‘Dear Prime Minister, I’ve decided to spend more time at my real home’. I would give you the address but I haven’t yet mastered the Russian alphabet.”
On Rachel Reeves
“Very sorry she can’t be here but…. Oh, sorry, I’ve seem to have dropped off. She’s helping out with the A&E winter crisis. There’s a chronic shortage of anaesthetists in parts of London and she’s dealing with the most difficult cases."
On Polly Toynbee
“She’s extremely sorry not to be here tonight. One of Steve Hilton’s great wishes was to make the Conservative Party love Polly Toynbee. I’m not sure he got the Conservative Party to love Steve Hilton.
Some say the left in this country don’t have a voice anymore. I don’t think that’s true. Polly is always there, and as long as that broadband connection to that Tuscan villa holds out.”
On his priorities for 2014
“Number one: Keeping the bald spot under control. I know you won’t believe me, but I had absolutely no idea Lino was getting an MBE. But if you can make cuts and stop a recession at the same time you deserve one.”
On energy policy
“This is something the country has Chris Huhne to be grateful for. It gets criticism from every side: it’s too green, it’s not green enough, it’s too general, it’s too complicated. I say, look, the guy responsible for this did end up in prison.”
On Nick Clegg
“I keep reading in the newspapers that Nick Clegg is going to spend 2014 differentiating himself from me. The privileged Old Etonian who went to Oxford. Him from the ‘mean streets’ of Westminster and Cambridge. Good luck with that one Nick.”
On the BBC’s Nick Robinson.
“Can I say Nick, what a pleasure and a privilege it was to join you on your State Visit to China.”
On the Telegraph’s Christopher Hope, chairman of the Press Gallery
“He intrepidly followed me on a 2000 mile journey, a dangerous and difficult assignment, to Martyr’s Square in Libya. Risking life and limb, he took a photo of the two of us and tweeted it as a World Exclusive, which was something of a surprise to the other 400 journalists.”
On the Speaker, John Bercow
“Some people claim John just can’t help being snooty and pompous with his parliamentary colleagues. I would say that’s totally unfair. I’ve never seen him look down on anyone in his life.”
Ed Balls, and their common love of The Antiques Roadshow.
“I like the heart-warming stories. Ed likes the bit where they sell the family gold.”
Last night saw the first Westminster Corresponents' Dinner since the 1970s. Much like the President at its White House counterpart, the PM did a comedy turn as he addressed "fellow members of Team Nigella".
Say what you like about Cameron – he can tell a decent joke.
On the Bullingdon
"The last time I was at a dinner this posh Boris spent the rest of the night in prison."
On Boris
"I remember canvassing in a South Hampstead suburb during the London Mayoral election and this very attractive, relatively middle aged woman came to the door and said: 'Boris! Lovely to see you! You are the father of one of my children!' The white hair stood up on end. He said, 'Oh, God, oh cripes, oh. The media, what do you want? Is it money?' She said: 'No, your are the father of one of my children! I'm her maths teacher.'"
On the White House dinner
“It is a glitzier affair. You’ve got the most powerful names in the media, having dinner with the biggest names in showbiz. You’ve got movie stars and senior editors all rubbing shoulders. We have a different name for that sort of thing. It’s called the Leveson Inquiry.”
On Lynton Crosby
“He couldn’t make it tonight. He is currently Down Under helping the English cricket team. He wrote me saying, ‘Can’t make it Dave. You’ll never believe it, but I’ve wound up with a bunch of another bunch of Poms who can’t stick to the effin’ script.”
On Alan Rusbridger
“Very sorry he can’t be here tonight. He wrote to tell me. ‘Dear Prime Minister, I’ve decided to spend more time at my real home’. I would give you the address but I haven’t yet mastered the Russian alphabet.”
On Rachel Reeves
“Very sorry she can’t be here but…. Oh, sorry, I’ve seem to have dropped off. She’s helping out with the A&E winter crisis. There’s a chronic shortage of anaesthetists in parts of London and she’s dealing with the most difficult cases."
On Polly Toynbee
“She’s extremely sorry not to be here tonight. One of Steve Hilton’s great wishes was to make the Conservative Party love Polly Toynbee. I’m not sure he got the Conservative Party to love Steve Hilton.
Some say the left in this country don’t have a voice anymore. I don’t think that’s true. Polly is always there, and as long as that broadband connection to that Tuscan villa holds out.”
On his priorities for 2014
“Number one: Keeping the bald spot under control. I know you won’t believe me, but I had absolutely no idea Lino was getting an MBE. But if you can make cuts and stop a recession at the same time you deserve one.”
On energy policy
“This is something the country has Chris Huhne to be grateful for. It gets criticism from every side: it’s too green, it’s not green enough, it’s too general, it’s too complicated. I say, look, the guy responsible for this did end up in prison.”
On Nick Clegg
“I keep reading in the newspapers that Nick Clegg is going to spend 2014 differentiating himself from me. The privileged Old Etonian who went to Oxford. Him from the ‘mean streets’ of Westminster and Cambridge. Good luck with that one Nick.”
On the BBC’s Nick Robinson.
“Can I say Nick, what a pleasure and a privilege it was to join you on your State Visit to China.”
On the Telegraph’s Christopher Hope, chairman of the Press Gallery
“He intrepidly followed me on a 2000 mile journey, a dangerous and difficult assignment, to Martyr’s Square in Libya. Risking life and limb, he took a photo of the two of us and tweeted it as a World Exclusive, which was something of a surprise to the other 400 journalists.”
On the Speaker, John Bercow
“Some people claim John just can’t help being snooty and pompous with his parliamentary colleagues. I would say that’s totally unfair. I’ve never seen him look down on anyone in his life.”
Ed Balls, and their common love of The Antiques Roadshow.
“I like the heart-warming stories. Ed likes the bit where they sell the family gold.”