There are a million videos on youtube showing you how to cook every dish

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

imaginable. You'd imagine that, having decided to go to the trouble of filming a recipe, the chefs in question would ensure that they have a clue about what they're doing. This is rarely the case.

Most frequent is the misuse of olive oil. I've just watched someone heat a frying pan until it's smoking hot, then pour in a tablespoon of olive oil, which of course immediately became burned and bitter, but better still, the **** then added a load of garlic, which instantly... you know the score.

It was easy to learn to cook, back in the day. You did what Delia told you, and Delia never gave you a bum steer. These days I pity anyone trying to learn from tinternet. It's full of charlatans.

But both Delia and the Beeb have online recipes. I know they don't have videos but you know, some people can still read and write.

Also, there are some great recipes in French. They can cook, you know, the frogs. Try oeufs en meurette but with little crutons with foie gras.

I'm cooking for us both tonight. The old classic. Tournedos fillets with roquefort sauce + gratin dauphinoise with balsmaic caramelised onions. And for a change, some garlic mushrooms too, cos I fancy some.

Bought a fresh baguette simply so I can dip it in the roquefort sauce as I cook it. Just to make sure the sauce is coming on fine, you understand. Not cos I'm a vulgar glutton that could quite happily live on fresh baguette dipped into various french cheese sauces. {My mate's fondue last month was as good as any I've had.}

[Sir C]

But both Delia and the Beeb have online recipes. I know they don't have videos but you know, some people can still read and write.

Also, there are some great recipes in French. They can cook, you know, the frogs. Try oeufs en meurette but with little crutons with foie gras.

I'm cooking for us both tonight. The old classic. Tournedos fillets with roquefort sauce + gratin dauphinoise with balsmaic caramelised onions. And for a change, some garlic mushrooms too, cos I fancy some.

Bought a fresh baguette simply so I can dip it in the roquefort sauce as I cook it. Just to make sure the sauce is coming on fine, you understand. Not cos I'm a vulgar glutton that could quite happily live on fresh baguette dipped into various french cheese sauces. {My mate's fondue last month was as good as any I've had.}

The Beeb doesn't give you sexy Vietnamese girls teaching you to make banh mi.

Plus, how very, very dare you! My oeufs en meurette are famous from here to Foots Cray and beyond! The secret is the quality of the wine. Only a heavy Burgundy will do.

[IUFG]

Only a heavy Burgundy will do.

You best not sip any of it on a schoolnight, sc.

:lightweight:

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

The Beeb doesn't give you sexy Vietnamese girls teaching you to make banh mi.

Plus, how very, very dare you! My oeufs en meurette are famous from here to Foots Cray and beyond! The secret is the quality of the wine. Only a heavy Burgundy will do.

But do you have foie gras crutons? Of course you'd use a heavy burgundy - the dish is from there and you're making a sauce.

But you really need to make the crutons by spreading foie gras thickly onto a slice of toast and then cutting into cruton size.

Little nibbles of joy in the midst of the dish.

[Sir C]

But do you have foie gras crutons? Of course you'd use a heavy burgundy - the dish is from there and you're making a sauce.

But you really need to make the crutons by spreading foie gras thickly onto a slice of toast and then cutting into cruton size.

Little nibbles of joy in the midst of the dish.

Is this actual foie gras or paté de foie gras?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Is this actual foie gras or paté de foie gras?

I bet you two ****s went to the same public school

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

I bet you two ****s went to the same public school

Nah.

I went to one not far from Berni's though. And on my only occasion that I represented the old place at sport, I turned over his school's team at their gaff in the under 14s B-team rugby. Scrum half, me. I'm tiny for a rugby player.

Played club rugby for the old boys' team's youth sections. We called his lot Old Wives. Whitgift, see? I guess that's public school humour. The one down the road from him is called Trinity. Or Mid-Whitgift. So they were called Old Mid Wives.

Bet your sides are splitting, Herbs. You can see why I told mummy and daddy that if they didn't put me in the state sector after o-levels, I'd run off and join the PLO. {Sexiest headscarfs. Didn't care much about the politics.}

But if you wanna pîss off B, go to the Whitgift [shopping] Centre in Croydon. I've seen more civilisation in Haitian slums. Then pretend you thought he'd gone to school there.

Do they still have Alders dept. store?

[Maravilloso Marvo]

But if you wanna pîss off B, go to the Whitgift [shopping] Centre in Croydon. I've seen more civilisation in Haitian slums. Then pretend you thought he'd gone to school there.

Do they still have Alders dept. store?

The same works with Sir C and St Mary's Cray. He gets so annoyed if you say he lives there because we all know it is really St Paul's Cray...

Allders has died a death now. the group went bust a good few years back after Terry Green (no relation to Philip) took them over as they went private and drove the business into the ground. The whole deal was dodgy as Minerva were only interested in the Croydon land as it was all going to be redeveloped and make them squillions but it all went tits up instead. Allders in Croydon stayed on a bit longer than the rest of the group as somebody else bought it and ran it as an independent stand alone store. It was never quite the same as the old place though and that also went bust a couple of years ago.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Is this actual foie gras or paté de foie gras?

Proper foie gras. Smeared on thick. {Duck generally. Because 1. And old raver mate makes it outside Toulouse. Built my speakers*, too. 2. I'm a skint pleb who can't justify paying the goose premium any more.} So the cruton is basically a cube of which one side is toast and the other is foie gras.

Please try. I'd be honoured if I could show you something that improved one of your dishes in the same way you've helped some of mine.



*Monitors. 15" bass driver and 1.25" compression horn. Active and passive crossover. 1/2kw each. Sounds great with my 1kw amp. But they sounded even better when I used the 3k bass amp I'd used to power the 3 x 18" bass scoops I got off the Jiba sound system. But some theiving wop knicked the scoops and the bass amp off our traveller site in Anzio when we all went to Spain to do a festy outside Barca. Wops = ****s, mostly. I only impart this info to try and find whether we have any secret ravers amongst us. Or secret wops.

[Sir C]

Proper foie gras. Smeared on thick. {Duck generally. Because 1. And old raver mate makes it outside Toulouse. Built my speakers*, too. 2. I'm a skint pleb who can't justify paying the goose premium any more.} So the cruton is basically a cube of which one side is toast and the other is foie gras.

Please try. I'd be honoured if I could show you something that improved one of your dishes in the same way you've helped some of mine.



*Monitors. 15" bass driver and 1.25" compression horn. Active and passive crossover. 1/2kw each. Sounds great with my 1kw amp. But they sounded even better when I used the 3k bass amp I'd used to power the 3 x 18" bass scoops I got off the Jiba sound system. But some theiving wop knicked the scoops and the bass amp off our traveller site in Anzio when we all went to Spain to do a festy outside Barca. Wops = ****s, mostly. I only impart this info to try and find whether we have any secret ravers amongst us. Or secret wops.

Sadly, fresh foie gras is in short supply in the Cray valley.