Rice or not. we are really

[7sisters]

No, not really. More of a "great feet, for a big man" type. There's definitely a very good player in there and do think he'll suit our style far more than Chelsea's

A sort of Teutonic, Peter Crouch then ?

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

We're not though- we just have a pathetically high number of baby fans who cry on Twitter every day about this that and the other. Where do you think Ramsdale, White, Saliba, Gabriel, Zinchenko, Odegaard, Martinelli, Jorginho, Troddard, Kiwi, Tomyasu etc came from, P? The ****ing magic transfer fairy?

Also compare the way we got Havertz done quickly do how United are doing with Mount. Not much made of that

Oh, we've been doing great since the winter we got Ødin on loan. But the post-Wenger period before that, when we had that fat cünt with the silly name giving deals to his agent mate so we spent a fortune on Gervinho 2.0 and that ugly, Brazza Chav's wages, was a fücking disgrace.

AW's last season was bad as well. Spent £50m on Laca and then more on Auba 5 months later. Turn down £55m for Alexis then swap him with Mhikki 5 months later. {Who we later turn down ten mil for and then give away for free.}

I've had no quibbles since Ødin but for a few years - end of AW, all of Dick Emery, start of MA - it really was woeful.

If only there was some sort of table that had a vague correlation to how well you'd been buying and selling players each year.