I reckon Burney was struggling to contain himself

[John Bunnell]

Oh, that didn't bother me. There are two types of Eurovision contestant: eye candy or freakshow - this was simply the latter.

In which context, of course, our decision to enter an unremarkable song sung by an unremarkable fat, spotty lad was never likely to be successful.

No, I was much more outraged by the way Norway were completely robbed by the Jury votes despite having easily the best song.

Instead, the world's blandest song by the world's blandest singer ended up winning. Still, at least Sweden and Italy's ethnics didn't win.

That Norway song was great. Stuck in my head even today. Plus blonde bird would get it. The best part was seeing the "Swedish" guy's smug face turn into one of sadness & confusion when he found out no one from the paying public gave a f*ck about his dross song and Sweden's hurdy gurdy neighbours placed higher overall lolol.