the ball with a calm and steely demeanour that shows you are not afraid of the task even though some half a billion people worldwide are about to witness your endeavour.
You exchange some direct eye contact with the keeper so as to inform him you will shortly be leathering the pig bag past him into the net and there ain't much he can do about it.
You briefly consider the cock between your legs - for you actually have one - and savour the prospect of how your lady love will this very evening be making an exquisite fuss of it - and you take the last few steps forward before belting the fackin' thing with such velocity and precision that even the lordly Gianluigi Buffon (fumbling old ****) has no chance.
That! Mr Aba-bamma-boom-bang is how you do it.
"Plenty of strikers can score goals," he said, gesturing to the famous old stands casting shadows around us.
"But a lot have found it difficult wearing the number 9 shirt for The Arsenal."
All the money in the world and the best they can do is a washed Italian 50 year old in goal
Weekend should be fun...McTominay vs Gwen...a bust up for the ages...well at least our namby pamby modern premier league.