I've had a tradesman in my house putting in a new bathroom for two weeks now.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Reincarnation's alright on tinned pears

[Burney]

I suffer the same accusations, b. Just because we are not shiny, happy people it doesnt mean we dont know how to enjoy ourselves.

I do shy away from using the word fun though. It seems incredibly childish and is used by the sort of people I dont really like very much

When people start going on about 'fun', I figuratively release the safety on my Browning. Such people are deeply suspect.

As Dr Johnson put it: 'Nothing is more hopeless than a scheme of merriment'.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

With Sir C , I sense that his soul is so tortured, he'll never get a moments peace even after they've switched the machine off and will continue fretting throughout eternity

[PSRB]

A kitchen could be anything depending on size and, most importantly, the worktops. Are you going for Corian or marble? Prepare for a 40 grand bill.

Oh Does one not get granite any more?

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Never trust a man who smiles all the time
There's something wrong with them
e.g. Richard Branson

[Burney]

With Sir C , I sense that his soul is so tortured, he'll never get a moments peace even after they've switched the machine off and will continue fretting throughout eternity

Oh, you don't buy all that 'tortured soul' bit, do you? He only puts that on to look deep and pull the birds.

[Burney]

Oh Does one not get granite any more?

Formica and melamine are wonder materials, p.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Have you had to actually talk to this tradesman and converse in his own language ?

i.e. "Awright ma'e ? Ow's i' 'angin' ? "

[7sisters]

This has been another cause of major expenditure lately. The arseholes who lived there before covered everything in woodchip. I feared this might be because the walls were iffy, but no. The walls were fine. These cùnts just liked woodchip if you can fùcking believe it. They need locking up.

One of the first places I moved into had that, paint it on artex in every room. This was impossible to remove, so I had to have all of the walls re skimmed with plaster.. C*nts !

[Burney]

Have you had to actually talk to this tradesman and converse in his own language ?

i.e. "Awright ma'e ? Ow's i' 'angin' ? "

I've said hello. And at one point he asked about my cider factory. He told me some story about having made beetroot wine and getting 'properly fùcked' on it.