IstanbulWimb

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

In the sort of places I stay these days (through work), if one has to ask the price, one isn't fit to stay there

Oooohh, they must be well nice. Do you get airmile style points that you can use on your own, not with work?

Never stayed in a plush hotel. But in Delhi {and before, when I used to travel to Goa via Mumbai, so would get to Mumbai in the early morning then get the bus or train in the afternoon/evening} I sometimes treated myself {ourselves when together} to the plush breakfasts in the Taj in Mumbai or Imperial in Delhi.

Well worth the treat, especially if you haven't been eating much due to having the ****s {and/or being off your head.}

Do you get top quality breakfasts in these fancy hotels?

Eggs cooked to order and fry up bits. As many lassis, chais and coffees as I wanted. Cheese and meats. Fruit {though only the Taj in Delhi had strawberries.} Lush.

We became mates with a waiter in the Taj called Mohan. That's why I was especially ****ed off when the Pak-backed terrorists attacked the gaff when they hit a few places around there at the same time.

All the other customers were rich {Indian or western} so would look down at the staff. But we'd just happily chat away with Mohan, the glw always looking relatively chic but me always crusty.} We went in for supper one early evening before the Delhi train. Had a bottle of Chablis. Heaven. Looked at the time and asked him if we got another bottle and had a glass each, could we take the rest of the bottle with us? He said of course.

When we asked for the bill, he said what about puddings cos they're included. I said we didn't have time, so he said he'd give us a takeout. Showed us the list. I said I'd have a slice of the chocolate cake. Glw said the fruit salad. Mohan asked which fruits she liked most. Glw said strawbs, would be happy just to have those. So he came back with the bottle and two plastic boxes. Min had about a dozen slices of cake, when it's meant to be one. Hers was rammed with more than a kilo of strawbs. Tucking into all that on the train before we got into the top bunks to sleep.

[Luis Anaconda]

Oooohh, they must be well nice. Do you get airmile style points that you can use on your own, not with work?

Never stayed in a plush hotel. But in Delhi {and before, when I used to travel to Goa via Mumbai, so would get to Mumbai in the early morning then get the bus or train in the afternoon/evening} I sometimes treated myself {ourselves when together} to the plush breakfasts in the Taj in Mumbai or Imperial in Delhi.

Well worth the treat, especially if you haven't been eating much due to having the ****s {and/or being off your head.}

Do you get top quality breakfasts in these fancy hotels?

Eggs cooked to order and fry up bits. As many lassis, chais and coffees as I wanted. Cheese and meats. Fruit {though only the Taj in Delhi had strawberries.} Lush.

We became mates with a waiter in the Taj called Mohan. That's why I was especially ****ed off when the Pak-backed terrorists attacked the gaff when they hit a few places around there at the same time.

All the other customers were rich {Indian or western} so would look down at the staff. But we'd just happily chat away with Mohan, the glw always looking relatively chic but me always crusty.} We went in for supper one early evening before the Delhi train. Had a bottle of Chablis. Heaven. Looked at the time and asked him if we got another bottle and had a glass each, could we take the rest of the bottle with us? He said of course.

When we asked for the bill, he said what about puddings cos they're included. I said we didn't have time, so he said he'd give us a takeout. Showed us the list. I said I'd have a slice of the chocolate cake. Glw said the fruit salad. Mohan asked which fruits she liked most. Glw said strawbs, would be happy just to have those. So he came back with the bottle and two plastic boxes. Min had about a dozen slices of cake, when it's meant to be one. Hers was rammed with more than a kilo of strawbs. Tucking into all that on the train before we got into the top bunks to sleep.

Breakfast are always the best thing as you get to order what you want (and I normally want two poached eggs, bacon and toast). The annoying thing is dinner, when, the chef will always give you what he wants to show off. Always best to get to know the sommelier so the wine keeps flowing in those occasions. Don't get air miles but did fly Etihad Business class recently. My next flight on easyJet will be a shock

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Breakfast are always the best thing as you get to order what you want (and I normally want two poached eggs, bacon and toast). The annoying thing is dinner, when, the chef will always give you what he wants to show off. Always best to get to know the sommelier so the wine keeps flowing in those occasions. Don't get air miles but did fly Etihad Business class recently. My next flight on easyJet will be a shock

Yeah, in India they have a chap just for the eggs. And as I said to Peter, the uniforms in Delhi with these giant turbans with feathers in look great on your waiters and egg-wallah.

But if you're gonna have poached eggs then why not Eggs Benedict? The glw makes the best oes ever on muffins with ham and Hollandaise. Must try to learn how to make my own sauce at some point.

I once got upgraded to business on Emirates for the Dubai-London leg. But these were the days before sleeper-beds.

My missus was in India when Covid hit. After a month, HMG arranged repatriation flights. There were 2 from Delhi. She was actually in Jaipur, 56-6 hrs from Delhi, but we gave the address of our mate's hotel in Delhi and just prayed that she'd be able to make it in time if selected. {They allocated the seats on a needs basis.}

She wasn't selected for the first flight but on Easter Saturday, got the email saying to get to IGI airport in Delhi by X o'clock that night. Had to get police to take her to hospital to get a test and get the paperwork so she could get a taxi.

She got there in time but called me to say that check-in said she wasn't on the list. I was freaking out thinking she'd be stuck there, but she said there were 7 other people who also had the email but the system couldn't find.

A bit later she calls to say that all 8 of them weren't showing up because they were the very last people to be selected and they were in first class. {No extra cost to the £580 everyone had to pay just to be on the list of people applying. You got the money back if you weren't selected.}

So she flew back on a sleeper-bed on Virgin Upper Class.

We flew Areoflot first class a couple of times. A cheap flight back then {'99} was £300. We'd flown into Mumbai to go south to Goa on Saudi. {£600 cos it was just after Xmas and everything was sold out.} After going back and dropping her dad off, we went to Delhi and the mountains. Back on Delhi, we couldn't face going to Mumbai and flying on Saudi with no booze so asked a travel agent we knew. He said they had a special - if you bought the return from India, it was £450 business class.

We did that and it was great. So when we next went back, I had to buy another flight back to London and our mate in Delhi said you can go first for £550 if you want, so we did that.

You had unlimited Veuve Clicquot bubbly in first. When we went back the next time, I went a week before the glw. On the Mos-Del leg, there was just me and some oligarch gangster in first. We get into our seats and the lady asks if I'd like a drink. Veuve Clic, please. Oh, sorry, you can't have booze until we're airborne, just water or orange juice for now. That's ok, I say, just bring us a glass of VCP as soon as you're allowed.

She gives the gangster his orange juice and then, putting her finger to her lips, gives me a glass of champers. I loved them.

So getting the return from Delhi, it was £200 more in first than in economy from London. £100 each way. VCP back then was £25 a bottle. And I managed 1 bottle on the Lon-Mos leg and 3 on Mos-Del. So those 4 bottles were basically the extra £100 I'd paid, and I could thus consider all the other bits like the lounge and huge seats freebies.

Did you have a bed when you flew ManCity business?

[Luis Anaconda]

Yeah, in India they have a chap just for the eggs. And as I said to Peter, the uniforms in Delhi with these giant turbans with feathers in look great on your waiters and egg-wallah.

But if you're gonna have poached eggs then why not Eggs Benedict? The glw makes the best oes ever on muffins with ham and Hollandaise. Must try to learn how to make my own sauce at some point.

I once got upgraded to business on Emirates for the Dubai-London leg. But these were the days before sleeper-beds.

My missus was in India when Covid hit. After a month, HMG arranged repatriation flights. There were 2 from Delhi. She was actually in Jaipur, 56-6 hrs from Delhi, but we gave the address of our mate's hotel in Delhi and just prayed that she'd be able to make it in time if selected. {They allocated the seats on a needs basis.}

She wasn't selected for the first flight but on Easter Saturday, got the email saying to get to IGI airport in Delhi by X o'clock that night. Had to get police to take her to hospital to get a test and get the paperwork so she could get a taxi.

She got there in time but called me to say that check-in said she wasn't on the list. I was freaking out thinking she'd be stuck there, but she said there were 7 other people who also had the email but the system couldn't find.

A bit later she calls to say that all 8 of them weren't showing up because they were the very last people to be selected and they were in first class. {No extra cost to the £580 everyone had to pay just to be on the list of people applying. You got the money back if you weren't selected.}

So she flew back on a sleeper-bed on Virgin Upper Class.

We flew Areoflot first class a couple of times. A cheap flight back then {'99} was £300. We'd flown into Mumbai to go south to Goa on Saudi. {£600 cos it was just after Xmas and everything was sold out.} After going back and dropping her dad off, we went to Delhi and the mountains. Back on Delhi, we couldn't face going to Mumbai and flying on Saudi with no booze so asked a travel agent we knew. He said they had a special - if you bought the return from India, it was £450 business class.

We did that and it was great. So when we next went back, I had to buy another flight back to London and our mate in Delhi said you can go first for £550 if you want, so we did that.

You had unlimited Veuve Clicquot bubbly in first. When we went back the next time, I went a week before the glw. On the Mos-Del leg, there was just me and some oligarch gangster in first. We get into our seats and the lady asks if I'd like a drink. Veuve Clic, please. Oh, sorry, you can't have booze until we're airborne, just water or orange juice for now. That's ok, I say, just bring us a glass of VCP as soon as you're allowed.

She gives the gangster his orange juice and then, putting her finger to her lips, gives me a glass of champers. I loved them.

So getting the return from Delhi, it was £200 more in first than in economy from London. £100 each way. VCP back then was £25 a bottle. And I managed 1 bottle on the Lon-Mos leg and 3 on Mos-Del. So those 4 bottles were basically the extra £100 I'd paid, and I could thus consider all the other bits like the lounge and huge seats freebies.

Did you have a bed when you flew ManCity business?

I don't like Hollandaise sauce, gg

and no I didn't have a bed - flights were too short anwway (first leg 5 hours, second leg 4) but it was sickening to be in Abu Dhabi airport and see massive pictures of Haaland everywhere.

Hopefully going to Oz in the winter so have to scram some decent flights (sadly a year too early for the Ashes - should have been perfect timing)

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

I don't like Hollandaise sauce, gg

and no I didn't have a bed - flights were too short anwway (first leg 5 hours, second leg 4) but it was sickening to be in Abu Dhabi airport and see massive pictures of Haaland everywhere.

Hopefully going to Oz in the winter so have to scram some decent flights (sadly a year too early for the Ashes - should have been perfect timing)

Gutted you're not going to the Ashes. You went when we last won after leaving The Times, I seem to remember. We should have a whip round. You're a lucky charm.

I s'pose not liking Hollandaise is an excuse for having bacon instead of Benedict. Still think you should have muffins, though.

I flew Turkish Airlines once. For all the safety stuff at the beginning, they didn't have the hostesses pointing to the exits and pretending to fit an oxygen mask, they had a video on the back-seat screens showing the Man Utd "humorously" explaining it all. Refused to fly them ever again.

[Pat Vegas]

Gutted you're not going to the Ashes. You went when we last won after leaving The Times, I seem to remember. We should have a whip round. You're a lucky charm.

I s'pose not liking Hollandaise is an excuse for having bacon instead of Benedict. Still think you should have muffins, though.

I flew Turkish Airlines once. For all the safety stuff at the beginning, they didn't have the hostesses pointing to the exits and pretending to fit an oxygen mask, they had a video on the back-seat screens showing the Man Utd "humorously" explaining it all. Refused to fly them ever again.

That's the new trend to have a gimmick safety video.
I quite like the Emirates or Qatar ones in arabic it's very relaxing.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

That's the new trend to have a gimmick safety video.
I quite like the Emirates or Qatar ones in arabic it's very relaxing.

Saudi takes out the middle seats of the back 2 rows. There are curtains at the side of the aisle which you can pull closed. In the back of the middle seat is a screen showing where Mecca is in relation to which direction the plane is flying so they can pray in the right direction.

And when I tried to buy duty free at LHR, which we wanted to take to India, they looked at the boarding card and said no. When we arrived at Riyadh, they looked through all my Parvati's beauty products in case there was booze hidden inside, even though we were just in transit. Would never fly them again.

Oh, and in Brunei, on the way back from Manila, they don't have a bar. I asked why and they said it's cos it was a Muslim country. I said so is the UAE and Dubai's got a massive duty free shop and shît loads of bars.