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Thread: Greta Thunberg is 17

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    That's one of your 'favourite' stories?

    I honestly can't remember. I think the desire to know that everything was shipshape and Bristol fashion was my main motivation, though.
    I don't remember that story.

    I think it exists only as a fantasy in his warped little 'mind'.

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    I expect you've never woken early to find him masturbating in the kitchen.
    Neither have you. Found me, I mean. Catching me on CCTV doesn't count.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    I don't remember that story.

    I think it exists only as a fantasy in his warped little 'mind'.
    Oh, no. The story's 100% true. I mean, who wouldn't in that situation?

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Oh, no. The story's 100% true. I mean, who wouldn't in that situation?
    At my Leaver's Service, the Reverend Frank 'Toad' Wells gave us a jolly good talking to about the dangers of committing 'acts of beastliness', so this sort of hands-on nonsense isn't something that ever crosses my mind.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    At my Leaver's Service, the Reverend Frank 'Toad' Wells gave us a jolly good talking to about the dangers of committing 'acts of beastliness', so this sort of hands-on nonsense isn't something that ever crosses my mind.
    I think you'd be permitted a special dispensation if you've just lost a clockweight and want to check that you are not wholly unmanned? I mean it was essentially medical in nature, if you think about it.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I think you'd be permitted a special dispensation if you've just lost a clockweight and want to check that you are not wholly unmanned? I mean it was essentially medical in nature, if you think about it.
    I can assure you that upon returning home with my hooter half-removed, the last thing on my mind was blowing it.

    Anyway, the reverend Frank wouldn't have agreed with you. No, he had extremely definite views on the matter, and these views were essentially, "NO!"

    Odd that he failed to mention the matter until we were 18, though. Between you and I, I suspect that there were certain chaps there whose horses had already bolted, if you take my meaning.

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I think you'd be permitted a special dispensation if you've just lost a clockweight and want to check that you are not wholly unmanned? I mean it was essentially medical in nature, if you think about it.
    I tried to think of it like that when I had to go to hospital to give a sperm sample. Was a bit tricky getting in the right mood in the knowledge that there was probably someone on the floor below me getting told they have 3 months to live.

    Turned out the absolute f*cking mountain of porn they kindly leave for you did help me overcome that particular hurdle, tbf.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    I can assure you that upon returning home with my hooter half-removed, the last thing on my mind was blowing it.

    Anyway, the reverend Frank wouldn't have agreed with you. No, he had extremely definite views on the matter, and these views were essentially, "NO!"

    Odd that he failed to mention the matter until we were 18, though. Between you and I, I suspect that there were certain chaps there whose horses had already bolted, if you take my meaning.
    Hairy-palmed chaps, eh? I'll wager they'd started dropping catches in the outfield? Or - worse - were the sort of spavined weed who was no good at games anyway?

    Anyway, since the Bible is very clear that, as a man 'wounded in the stones', I shan't be entering the Kingdom of Heaven under any circumstances, I might as well wánk myself raw for all the spiritual harm it'll do.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Monty92 View Post
    I tried to think of it like that when I had to go to hospital to give a sperm sample. Was a bit tricky getting in the right mood in the knowledge that there was probably someone on the floor below me getting told they have 3 months to live.

    Turned out the absolute f*cking mountain of porn they kindly leave for you did help me overcome that particular hurdle, tbf.
    It's an odd business, isn't it? Ejaculating in a strange room where you were well aware other men had spent their load very recently?

    In that sense it reminded me of visiting your mum's house.

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    It's an odd business, isn't it? Ejaculating in a strange room where you were well aware other men had spent their load very recently?

    In that sense it reminded me of visiting your mum's house.
    More-reem, Lip-man?

    Most innuendo laden name ever, imo.

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