Hairy-palmed chaps, eh? I'll wager they'd started dropping catches in the outfield? Or - worse - were the sort of spavined weed who was no good at games anyway?
Anyway, since the Bible is very clear that, as a man 'wounded in the stones', I shan't be entering the Kingdom of Heaven under any circumstances, I might as well wánk myself raw for all the spiritual harm it'll do.