The Shadow Home Secretary and putative holder of one of the great Offices of State

[Burney]

A Hollywood icon struck down by Parkinson's at a relatively young age is inherently funny, though.

I always felt a bit sorry for him, tbh. He was never going to have much of a career once he stopped being and looking young, but getting Parkinson's always struck me as a bit of a shítter for the lad.

[Sir C]

No. That's because that is very possibly the greatest crude simile in history.

Cold as a witch’s tit?

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

A Hollywood icon struck down by Parkinson's at a relatively young age is inherently funny, though.

If I hadn't been reading your unmitigated çuntholery for so long I'd be tempted to think you were playing for a laugh

[Burney]

Cold as a witch’s tit?

I quite like 'Cold as a tart's kiss'; 'Wet as an otter's pocket' and the Australian classic 'Dry as a nun's nasty'

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

Cold as a witch’s tit?

Face like a bulldog lickin' píss off a nettle ... surely?

[Sir C]

I quite like 'Cold as a tart's kiss'; 'Wet as an otter's pocket' and the Australian classic 'Dry as a nun's nasty'

‘Dry as a nun’s ****’ if you grew up in London.

I always thought, ‘dry as Gandhi’s flip flop’ had a lot going for it as well.

[Sir C]

Face like a bulldog lickin' píss off a nettle ... surely?

‘As mean as a Jew’. Jeremy taught me that one.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Sir C "Cold as a witch’s tit?"

Flat as a witch's tit !

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

‘As mean as a Jew’. Jeremy taught me that one.

Face like a jew boy paying a bill .. he taught me that one.

[Sir C]

Sir C "Cold as a witch’s tit?"

Flat as a witch's tit !

Aha! I wonder if I've misremembered or whether there are two versions out there.