Boiled gammon with parsley sauce. :gulp: (She's English, you know.)

I have a lump of gammon. Do I just... boil it?

Parsley sauce. Can it really just be a bechamel with parsley in it? Really?

And no, I'm not going to boil the fúcking gammon in the fúcking loft, because the vast numbers of troopers guarding my loft ladder won't let me in with a match.