I see there's one of those 'The Universe is Really Big' videos doing the rounds on

[Burney]

social media.

Naturally, this is accompanied by thousands of slack-jawed fúckwits going 'Wow!' and prating about how it 'really puts things into perspective'.

Does it fúck. I just find the Universe annoying. What's the point in me knowing it's really fúcking big? Most of it's empty and I'm never going to go there anyway. Besides, we're basically all still píssing about in our own Solar System, which is the equivalent of trying to understand the Pacific by paddling in a rockpool. How utterly fúcking pointless it all seems. The only thing the Universe is ever going to do for us is destroy us one of these millennia. It can fúck off.

So frankly, if it's all the same to you, I would prefer to go about my life pretending it matters and never give any thought to the fúcking Universe because it's a **** and only ****s care about it imo. Bóllocks to it.

[Sir C]

social media.

Naturally, this is accompanied by thousands of slack-jawed fúckwits going 'Wow!' and prating about how it 'really puts things into perspective'.

Does it fúck. I just find the Universe annoying. What's the point in me knowing it's really fúcking big? Most of it's empty and I'm never going to go there anyway. Besides, we're basically all still píssing about in our own Solar System, which is the equivalent of trying to understand the Pacific by paddling in a rockpool. How utterly fúcking pointless it all seems. The only thing the Universe is ever going to do for us is destroy us one of these millennia. It can fúck off.

So frankly, if it's all the same to you, I would prefer to go about my life pretending it matters and never give any thought to the fúcking Universe because it's a **** and only ****s care about it imo. Bóllocks to it.

Actually the universe is pretty interesting.

The odd thing, as far as I'm concerned, is this idea that the universe is expanding, which suggests that there must be an end to it. What happens when you reach the edge, then? What's outside the universe? Nothing? There can't be nothing because nothing, by definition, isn't anything.

So the answer is obviously God.

Both you and Richard Dawkins can push that up your shítters.

[Burney]

Actually the universe is pretty interesting.

The odd thing, as far as I'm concerned, is this idea that the universe is expanding, which suggests that there must be an end to it. What happens when you reach the edge, then? What's outside the universe? Nothing? There can't be nothing because nothing, by definition, isn't anything.

So the answer is obviously God.

Both you and Richard Dawkins can push that up your shítters.

God wouldn't waste that much space and time on something so utterly pointless. He'd have knocked out a few more useful planets. I mean seriously, it's just a massive waste of space.

[Sir C]

God wouldn't waste that much space and time on something so utterly pointless. He'd have knocked out a few more useful planets. I mean seriously, it's just a massive waste of space.

He mqay have a long term plan going on that's way beyond your comprehension. The bloke's omnisicent, for fúck's sake. That much is scientifically proven in any case.

[Burney]

He mqay have a long term plan going on that's way beyond your comprehension. The bloke's omnisicent, for fúck's sake. That much is scientifically proven in any case.

He's sitting on a massive amount of real estate and doing fúck all with it. He should outsource development to Wimpey or Barratt Homes imo.

[Ash]

He's sitting on a massive amount of real estate and doing fúck all with it. He should outsource development to Wimpey or Barratt Homes imo.

The universe is going up in value so he doesn't need to do anything with it. Like property oligarchs in London, He's going to sell it off to another god in a few billion years time.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Actually the universe is pretty interesting.

The odd thing, as far as I'm concerned, is this idea that the universe is expanding, which suggests that there must be an end to it. What happens when you reach the edge, then? What's outside the universe? Nothing? There can't be nothing because nothing, by definition, isn't anything.

So the answer is obviously God.

Both you and Richard Dawkins can push that up your shítters.

Actually, if you keep going in one direction you end up back where you started {in space, but not in time, obv.}

You're right about God, though. Various different elements from myriad different dying stars form into complex molecules here and start self-replicating. That's weird enough. But even if we then have unicellular lifeforms in the sea, the idea that we just end up with our level of consciousness simply by accident is patently nonsense.

'Course Shiva set it all up. Our consciousness is just Shiva opening His third eye as a means of understanding Himself. Otherwise you could break into a school science Lab on a Friday night, mix up a few chemicals and leave them over a low bunsen, and you'd have weird talking amoebae by Monday morning.

[Sir C]

Actually, if you keep going in one direction you end up back where you started {in space, but not in time, obv.}

You're right about God, though. Various different elements from myriad different dying stars form into complex molecules here and start self-replicating. That's weird enough. But even if we then have unicellular lifeforms in the sea, the idea that we just end up with our level of consciousness simply by accident is patently nonsense.

'Course Shiva set it all up. Our consciousness is just Shiva opening His third eye as a means of understanding Himself. Otherwise you could break into a school science Lab on a Friday night, mix up a few chemicals and leave them over a low bunsen, and you'd have weird talking amoebae by Monday morning.

You realise that the worship of these false idols makes Jesus sad, don't you?

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

You realise that the worship of these false idols makes Jesus sad, don't you?

Hate to break it to you, C, but Jeez was a Vedic.

c.500BC Buddha obtains enlightenment.

c. 270BC Ashoka the great unifies India and converts everyone to Buddhism, introducing written language to the sub-continent and putting up his 33 pillars of human and animal rights.

Buddhism remains the dominant religion there until c. C4th-C6th AD.

c.0BC 3 wise men come from the East. And they must be Buddhists. {see above.}

c.12/13AD Young Jeez kicks off with the Pharisees in the temple as he realises Yîds know fück all about God and all support the Sperz, anyway.

He goes off into the Wilderness, which is to the East, which as said, leads to the Buddhist sub-continent. Every thought that perhaps the 3 wise men left a map or calling card?

c.30 AD After 17 years bumming round India studying Buddhism, like any self-respecting backpacker, Jeez comes back and performs his first miracle. Turning water into wine, and not just any wine, but the best any of them had ever drunk. Which shows Jeez was bang up for getting off his head, just like Hindu sadhus do with charas out there.

c.30-33AD. Jeez now spends 3 years explaining Buddhism to Yîds in words of one syllable. Think only about the quotes directly attributed to Jeez in the 4 Gospels. Turn the other cheek, do unto others, the way to God is though your heart etc. All the parables about kindness (Good Samaritan) and forgiveness (Prodigal son.)

And compare this to the unloving, vengeful, violent, unforgiving Judaism of the Old Testament.

Does Jesus sound more like a Buddhist or a Jew?

c.33AD An alliance of Yîds and Wops nail him up for being a nice peaceful, Buddhist and making them question their own fückwitted religions.

See, C? All makes sense now, init?

[Sir C]

Load of old nonsense.

Everyone knows God made Buddha and everything else some 6,000 years ago FACT.

Jesus is a third of God, see?

Easy.