I went for my contact lens fitting yesterday.

[Sir C]

what about the alcoholic content, sc?

Don't want to pick up anything other than a 10.5% rose on a school night?

True enough, i. There was nothing at 12% on offer on Ocado this week so I've been drinking a Chilean Malbec at 13%. Really feeling it.

[Sir C]

What? That sounds a bit mental.

It does, doesn't it? We shall see. The question is, how clearly?

[Sir C]

You could have introduced a little levity to ease the awkwardness by asking her which her fanny slanted c

She smelt really nice as well, h. If I'd thought about her fanny I might have had an involuntary emmission, which would hardly have reduced the awkwardness of the moment.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Dust everywhere

[Burney]

She smelt really nice as well, h. If I'd thought about her fanny I might have had an involuntary emmission, which would hardly have reduced the awkwardness of the moment.

I do find it a bit awks when they get right in close to your face. I struggle with that level of intimacy.

[Sir C]

I do find it a bit awks when they get right in close to your face. I struggle with that level of intimacy.

Given that I always assume I reek of garlic and chilli, I end up trying to breathe sideways.

[Burney]

Given that I always assume I reek of garlic and chilli, I end up trying to breathe sideways.

Although sometimes when they ask you to look down, you can legitimately look down their blouse.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I do find it a bit awks when they get right in close to your face. I struggle with that level of intimacy.

I have a very pretty little GP. Very embarrassing when she does the prostate finger probe and patiently explains I don't really need one a week.

[PSRB]

It was all a bit of a struggle to start with, what with my possessing somewhat narrow eyes. After I had spent about an eye poking fingers in my eyes up to the elbow I became a little flustered and remarked to the charming young lady opthamologist, "I'm terribly sorry to make such a fuss, I seem to have rather slitty eyes" and she said, "Don't worry about it, you're not the only one" and of course she was chinese, wasn't she, and I wanted to die, didn't eye?

She was cute, too.

I'm just going to get glasses, can't be arsed fannying around trying put contacts in

[Sir C]

I'm just going to get glasses, can't be arsed fannying around trying put contacts in

Can we all please stop saying 'fanny' in the same sentence as the chinawoman, ffs? I'm wearing it to a nub here.

Back in 10 or 15.