I'm within 100 yards of Mesut Ozil whenever we're both at home This is because we both live on the same leafy Hampstead avenue - one of multiple reasons why my life is fundamentally better than yours.
Long yards you're using there, my friend.
He lives in a small mansion at one end, three doors down from the heath. You live half a mile away at the other end, in a crumbling block of flats on the dual carriageway A1 in East Finchley.