peter. You cannot abandon a lady and leave her potless and homeless.

[Sir C]

Why did she pee on you?
Was the toilet out of action?

I think the same foul-streamed fate befell Sir C in his bed once too
Might have been an ex comrade in the dorms

Oh no that chap shít himself and we both rolled around in it in our sleep.

I had his shít in my hair, for fúck's sake.

[Ganpati's Goonerz--AFC's Aboriginal Fertility Cult]

Oh no that chap shít himself and we both rolled around in it in our sleep.

I had his shít in my hair, for fúck's sake.

Hang on. Just to get this absolutely clear, all you bourgeois, hard-working, civilised types have been pîssed on or had each other's shît in your hair and the like?

Yet I'm the untermensch for living in a truck with my sound system of a summer just cos I drink Special Brew and have a few mates with dogs on bits of string?

I may have gone months without washing - deisel fumes, wood smoke and a stout pair of goretex books to stop your feet minging do wonders - but I've never had to worry about piss in my mouth or shît in my hair.

I never realised I'd lived such a sheltered life.

If this is what being a working, upstanding citizen does to a chap, thank God for squats and giros.