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Thread: Mayhem on the train home last night.

  1. #1

    Mayhem on the train home last night.

    It was only about 7, but just outside Tottenham Hale in a crowded coach, some otherwise respectable-looking chap threw up in the bank of seats in front of me. Everyone reaches for their bags and lifts their feet off the floor, etc. But then I realise that there's even more commotion than one might expect in such a situation. Turns out he's only emptied the largely beer-based contents of his stomach on the feet of an Allan couple in front of him. She's in a hijab and in tears, he's got the chinbeard and is jabbering away about this poor bloke being an animal and having defiled him and his wife. Needless to say, the puker's slurred attempts at apology aren't cutting any ice.

    Anyway, we pull into Ponders End and vomit man decides (not unreasonably) that discretion is the better part of valour and legs it off the train at what is clearly not his stop. Chinbeard goes to race after him, but slips over in the vomit. Wife's wailing away while some helpful lady's offering her tissues, which for some reason seems to make her even more upset.

    Anyway, nobody's making eye contact after that and they eventually get off at Brimsdown and we're all left there in shock in a railway coach reeking of vomit. It was a long journey to Broxbourne.

    And that's why multiculturalism doesn't work.

  2. #2
    Poor chap. Probably a dodgy oyster.

    Milk of Magnesia. That's the stuff.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Poor chap. Probably a dodgy oyster.

    Milk of Magnesia. That's the stuff.
    I did feel bad for him. I mean nobody likes being vomited on, but I do think the Allans were making an undue fuss about it. These things happen, after all.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Poor chap. Probably a dodgy oyster.

    Milk of Magnesia. That's the stuff.
    Bad pint before leaving the pub, probably the very last one as that is normally how these things occur.

    No harm done.

    Nobody was shat on for example.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Poor chap. Probably a dodgy oyster.

    Milk of Magnesia. That's the stuff.
    Had that after Hawksmoor on Friday, although not entirely convinced it was an oyster, think I was just ill.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by SWv2 View Post
    Bad pint before leaving the pub, probably the very last one as that is normally how these things occur.

    No harm done.

    Nobody was shat on for example.
    Although you'd probably take it amiss if someone hurled on your new desert boots, I imagine, sw.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Although you'd probably take it amiss if someone hurled on your new desert boots, I imagine, sw.
    Like any normal chap I would have treated the desert boots in at least 2 spray coatings of protector.

    However yes, a chinning would have occurred, especially if they were sand in colour.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by PSRB View Post
    Had that after Hawksmoor on Friday, although not entirely convinced it was an oyster, think I was just ill.
    Not proud of the fact I once vomited in a train carriage after far, far too much cognac at a Christmas do at The Ritz. Must have been about 8 years ago. Thankfully, it was empty apart from me.

    Pretty sure that was the last time I puked due to drink. I'm not generally a puker.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SWv2 View Post
    Like any normal chap I would have treated the desert boots in at least 2 spray coatings of protector.

    However yes, a chinning would have occurred, especially if they were sand in colour.
    No amount of Scotch-Gard is keeping stomach acids out imo. I chucked out the only pair of shoes I ever had that someone vomited on.

  10. #10

    Well b. I hope you poked the complainer sharply in the chest while informing him that

    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I did feel bad for him. I mean nobody likes being vomited on, but I do think the Allans were making an undue fuss about it. These things happen, after all.
    "if 'e don't like a bit of honest British vom on 'is fackin' sandals, then he could fack orf back to fackin Allan-land!"

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