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Thread: I've been thinking about my mate Clarence.

  1. #1

    I've been thinking about my mate Clarence.

    What would Clarence have to say about this modern obsession with giving midfield players specific, specialist roles? Was Clarence a CM, a DM, a holding midfielder, a box-to-box midfielder? He was none of these things and he was all of these things.

    He was a midfielder, that's what he was.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    What would Clarence have to say about this modern obsession with giving midfield players specific, specialist roles? Was Clarence a CM, a DM, a holding midfielder, a box-to-box midfielder? He was none of these things and he was all of these things.

    He was a midfielder, that's what he was.
    I got confused for a second there. I thought you meant Bruce Springsteen's dead saxophonist.

    In answer to your question, I can't help but feel the whole nomenclature thing is completely out of hand.

    These are the only football positions

    Goalkeeper
    Left Back
    Centre Half
    Centre Half
    Right Back

    Winger
    Midfielder
    Midfielder
    Winger

    Centre Forward
    Centre Forward

    Everything else is foreign nonsense.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I got confused for a second there. I thought you meant Bruce Springsteen's dead saxophonist.

    In answer to your question, I can't help but feel the whole nomenclature thing is completely out of hand.

    These are the only football positions

    Goalkeeper
    Left Back
    Centre Half
    Centre Half
    Right Back

    Winger
    Midfielder
    Midfielder
    Winger

    Centre Forward
    Centre Forward

    Everything else is foreign nonsense.
    Clarence Clemons could have done a job in Milan's defence, I'm sure. Big chap like that? No worries.

    I agree with you but with the reminder that what are often referred toi today as 'wingers' rarely are. They are generally simply wide midfield players. A true winger ends the game with his outside boot coated in chalk and plays 20 yards higher than a wide midfielder. He should also have a name like Ruel and be clinically incapable of crossing a football.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Clarence Clemons could have done a job in Milan's defence, I'm sure. Big chap like that? No worries.

    I agree with you but with the reminder that what are often referred toi today as 'wingers' rarely are. They are generally simply wide midfield players. A true winger ends the game with his outside boot coated in chalk and plays 20 yards higher than a wide midfielder. He should also have a name like Ruel and be clinically incapable of crossing a football.
    Overmars was a bit of a modern winger. The concept of wingers seemed to die out because none of them could hit a cross.

    Brian marwood could cross.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Clarence Clemons could have done a job in Milan's defence, I'm sure. Big chap like that? No worries.

    I agree with you but with the reminder that what are often referred toi today as 'wingers' rarely are. They are generally simply wide midfield players. A true winger ends the game with his outside boot coated in chalk and plays 20 yards higher than a wide midfielder. He should also have a name like Ruel and be clinically incapable of crossing a football.
    Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer, where their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

    Proper football, that.
    Last edited by Burney; 11-21-2018 at 03:02 PM.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Peter View Post
    Overmars was a bit of a modern winger. The concept of wingers seemed to die out because none of them could hit a cross.

    Brian marwood could cross.
    I can never forgive Brian Marwood for having a really terrible song.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer. Ideally, their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

    Proper football, that.
    Graham Rix looked like a proper winger but was only occasionally played as such. Usually Sammy Nelson would be tasked with overlapping him. Then, of course, he developed a taste for the younger lady, as well as an enthusiasm for the racial abuse of juvenile footballers.

    Quite the varied career, really.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    Graham Rix looked like a proper winger but was only occasionally played as such. Usually Sammy Nelson would be tasked with overlapping him. Then, of course, he developed a taste for the younger lady, as well as an enthusiasm for the racial abuse of juvenile footballers.

    Quite the varied career, really.
    Yes. Who would have thought at the time that Rix would have ended up joining our illustrious list of criminals and wronguns? He seemed so innocuous.

    Mind you, Chelsea have form for sexual deviancy with young girls. Didn't they have a winger who got done for showing his cock to schoolgirls? Clive something?

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Yes. Who would have thought at the time that Rix would have ended up joining our illustrious list of criminals and wronguns? He seemed so innocuous.

    Mind you, Chelsea have form for sexual deviancy with young girls. Didn't they have a winger who got done for showing his cock to schoolgirls? Clive something?
    Clive Walker? Was he a flasher? Who knew?

    Have you watched This Country? I am taken with the crime of 'peeping'.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Wingers must get it to the byline and whip it into the mixer, where their efforts will be met with concussive force by the forehead of a burly centre forward. This is the law. Ideally, they should be willowy, somewhat effete individuals who occasionally display 'silky skills' or 'tricks' that result in them being horribly mangled by an outraged full back and left in a crumpled heap on the running track.

    Proper football, that.
    See: Walters, Mark

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