Is there anything more cringe-inducing embarrassing than dining with the sort of

[Sir C]

You order a couple of pre-dinner drinks, as you finish them the waitress asks you if you are ready to order, you say yes and order your starters and entrees and a nice bottle of wine. She then asks if you want water for the table, you reply yes and that tap water is fine. She thanks you and leaves to place your order.

What's wrong with this exactly?

Also, you finish a meal with another couple, the waiter arrives with the bill and you tell him to split it into two and you give him two cards. He then processes two payments.

What's wrong with this exactly?

I never touch tap water. You know that socialists add fluoride to tap water, don't you? I'm not having socialists interfering with my precious bodily fluids. No way.