I have virtually bankrupted myself in purchasing a house in Wimbledon... The whole

[Burney]

Possibly. With a tin of deodorant, also.












hang on. you might want to put a ribbon around the deodorant.

Why? It's not his fvcking birthday.

Honestly, it's times like this that I wish I were the sort of person who was either oblivious to or simply didn't care about other people's feelings. Empathy really is a pain in the arse. It must be so easy to simply be an insensitive boor or a psychopath.

[Burney]

This is the best approach, for sure. Just make sure you use a printer in case the chap is an expert in handwriting analysis.

Bloke couldn't find his arse with both hands and a flashlamp, r. The chances of him possessing such skills are minimal.

[IUFG]

Why? It's not his fvcking birthday.

Honestly, it's times like this that I wish I were the sort of person who was either oblivious to or simply didn't care about other people's feelings. Empathy really is a pain in the arse. It must be so easy to simply be an insensitive boor or a psychopath.

quite.

Go on then. How stinky is this person on a scale of 0-10?

[Burney]

quite.

Go on then. How stinky is this person on a scale of 0-10?

Normally, he's a tolerable 2-3 (if we're taking 0 as baseline non-stinky and minus numbers for smelling great). However, the last few of days he's shot up to a six.

[Tony C]

Create your own YouTube channel.

Just look at the numbers you generate here but you don’t get paid for it.

[7sisters]

Oh, surely you'd hide in there until you were sure everyone had gone, wouldn't you?

Talking of HR, I've got a nasty feeling I may have to have words with someone about their personal hygiene. Any tips?

in the office, with the MD at close quarters. They exchanged greetings as my colleague, on his approach to trap one for his constitutional morning clearout, began to reel with horror at being caught in a fait accompli.
He was unable to abort, as it were, as the trap one door loomed large before him. He had no choice but to enter.
The MD, an absolute bull of a man. German, with the embellishments of having headed up operations for a decade in Australia ( no further explanation should be required, as to his make-up at the point ) aimed straight for trap two.
Not only did my colleague have to sit and wait it out in trap one, while treated to a raucous anal fanfare from the Teutonic CEO but was forced to engage in a discourse over monthly budgets and forecasts.

He later told me that he had to quietly marinate in the aftermath for a good five minutes before braving the lock and his escape for freedom.

[IUFG]

Normally, he's a tolerable 2-3 (if we're taking 0 as baseline non-stinky and minus numbers for smelling great). However, the last few of days he's shot up to a six.

oh well, at least that is a positive to start with.

You can start by telling that 'in the last few days you've noticed...'

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

HAHAHAHAHA! You're going to let them sh1t in your lavatory, aren't you? You're going to let working class men place their hairy, unwashed buttocks on your lavatory seat and void the foul contents of their bowels into the pristine porcelain that should be the sole preserve of you, your lady and your friends and family.

That stain will never wash off, r. Never.

I suspect that conceiving that somewhat lascivious description of a builder's big hairy rear-parts has given you what passes for an erection these days and you'll shortly be off to that shed of yours to draw the curtains

[Burney]

oh well, at least that is a positive to start with.

You can start by telling that 'in the last few days you've noticed...'

I think I'll wait it out until after the weekend. He might sort himself out in the interim.

[Burney]

in the office, with the MD at close quarters. They exchanged greetings as my colleague, on his approach to trap one for his constitutional morning clearout, began to reel with horror at being caught in a fait accompli.
He was unable to abort, as it were, as the trap one door loomed large before him. He had no choice but to enter.
The MD, an absolute bull of a man. German, with the embellishments of having headed up operations for a decade in Australia ( no further explanation should be required, as to his make-up at the point ) aimed straight for trap two.
Not only did my colleague have to sit and wait it out in trap one, while treated to a raucous anal fanfare from the Teutonic CEO but was forced to engage in a discourse over monthly budgets and forecasts.

He later told me that he had to quietly marinate in the aftermath for a good five minutes before braving the lock and his escape for freedom.

People who talk to other people while sh1tting should just be shot. No trial, no due process, just dragged out into the car park, shot in the back of the head and left for the wild dogs.