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Thread: I have virtually bankrupted myself in purchasing a house in Wimbledon... The whole

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    ...and flicked ash from his cigarette on my driveway
    “Other clubs never came into my thoughts once I knew Arsenal wanted to sign me.”

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by IUFG View Post
    I've only had builders who have left the pan looking somewhat like the approach to Druids corner.

    Never leaving it like a Canadian lake
    Oh, I'm not talking about tradesmen. They may not use my lavatory. I'm very strict about it.

    I'm talking about when I used to work in an office on the ground floor of a building and share a lavatory with the warehousemen.

    I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder:

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    :sick: One came in at the weekend (didn't remove filthy, dusty boots even though the carpets are all coming out). He had three sugars in his tea, sat on the worktop without being invited to do so and flicked ash from his cigarette on my driveway
    You'll have to buy a new lavatory seat, r. Burn the old one.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Oh, I'm not talking about tradesmen. They may not use my lavatory. I'm very strict about it.

    I'm talking about when I used to work in an office on the ground floor of a building and share a lavatory with the warehousemen.

    I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder:
    Quite genuinely, I think I will get a portaloo for the driveway. There are going to be swarms of them all over my house and it will minimise grub if I lock the bogs and only allow them to go outside. Like animals.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    I saw things, iufg. Terrible things. :shudder:
    I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

    nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind
    “Other clubs never came into my thoughts once I knew Arsenal wanted to sign me.”

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by IUFG View Post
    I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

    nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind
    We had a similar situation some years ago.

    I stepped in and dealt with it by carving the offending jobbie into manageable chunks with a bread knife.

    I still shudder to this day when I use that knife

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by IUFG View Post
    I remember years ago, someone left the trap toilet in a less than desirable manner and after several hours of complaints, the General Manager went in with a carrier bag and retrieved a huge jobby from the pan and went outside and threw it in a nearby skip.

    nigh on 30 years ago, that must have been. Still vivid in my mind
    An email had to go around the other month because someone had literally sprayed sh1t all over the inside of the lavatory door. The toilet was untouched. Exercising my Hercule Poirot-like little grey cells, I could only conclude that some poor chap had been caught with une crise d'estomac, got into the lavatory, pulled down his trousers, but failed to turn around and sit down in time.
    However, that doesn't explain why he would then have left the lavatory in that condition, presumably cleaned himself up and then gone and resumed his seat to work again. Terrifying what human beings are capable of doing, isn't it?
    Last edited by Burney; 08-16-2018 at 10:00 AM.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir C View Post
    We had a similar situation some years ago.

    I stepped in and dealt with it by carving the offending jobbie into manageable chunks with a bread knife.

    I still shudder to this day when I use that knife
    Who are these people who produce huge, inhuman stools? What do they eat to achieve such prodigious faecal feats? How many days' worth of matter have to build up to produce something that size? Some of these things must feel like you're being fisted backwards, ffs! How do their arseholes cope?

  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by Burney View Post
    Who are these people who produce huge, inhuman stools? What do they eat to achieve such prodigious faecal feats? How many days' worth of matter have to build up to produce something that size? Some of these things must feel like you're being fisted backwards, ffs! How do their arseholes cope?
    It doesn't bear thinking about, does it? Imagine the starining required to pass such a monster? Consider the concomitant haemorrhoids and the potential for rectal lesions!

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    Quite genuinely, I think I will get a portaloo for the driveway. There are going to be swarms of them all over my house and it will minimise grub if I lock the bogs and only allow them to go outside. Like animals.
    Good plan - as long as it doesn't get knocked over.

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