I have an old friend whose wife

[Burney]

Ask him to clearly label the sandwiches which contain egg
I do so hate playing egg roulette with any buffet when it comes to the sandwiches on offer

I once attended a buffet where some vile pervert had cooked tempura vegetables. I bit into one and it was a slice of fvcking cucumber in batter.

The person who did that had almost certainly been through some form of catering training and at no point had anyone told him you don't deep-fry cucumbers. Unbelievable.