I have an old friend whose wife

[Burney]

Ask him to clearly label the sandwiches which contain egg
I do so hate playing egg roulette with any buffet when it comes to the sandwiches on offer

I once attended a buffet where some vile pervert had cooked tempura vegetables. I bit into one and it was a slice of fvcking cucumber in batter.

The person who did that had almost certainly been through some form of catering training and at no point had anyone told him you don't deep-fry cucumbers. Unbelievable.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Burney "Also, why was Gareth Malone weeping uncontrollably?"

Because Charlie was eating budget cocktail sausages

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Burney "The person who did that had almost certainly been through some form of catering training and at no point had anyone told him you don't deep-fry cucumbers. Unbelievable."

Sounds like the dim bugger can't tell the difference between a cucumber and a courgette

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

is dying of the cance. In fact, she has been sent home with a hospital bed and a load of morphine to await the inevitable. They are both posting their thoughts daily on facebook, she, I guess, only in her most lucid moments.

Oddly, he is asking today for a show of hands for the funeral so he can start planning the food.

I mean. Fúck me. She's reading this shít.

Make sure you grab any unused morphine. 'Tis lovely stuff. When my mum went through the same she had a farkin great barrel of the stuff she'd only had a sip from when she passed. I asked the nurse what to do with the poppy juice and she said "legally, it's yours - do what you want with it. Any pharmacy will dispose of it for you but it's up to you."

[Burney]

Burney "Also, why was Gareth Malone weeping uncontrollably?"

Because Charlie was eating budget cocktail sausages

Sir C has told me that story before and it's always made me feel slightly uncomfortable about the juxtaposition of his penís and a packet of cocktail sausages.

I don't think I could eat sausages while being able to see my penís. Or anyone else's for that matter.

[Burney]

Make sure you grab any unused morphine. 'Tis lovely stuff. When my mum went through the same she had a farkin great barrel of the stuff she'd only had a sip from when she passed. I asked the nurse what to do with the poppy juice and she said "legally, it's yours - do what you want with it. Any pharmacy will dispose of it for you but it's up to you."

On Panorama the other day, I found out you can legally buy all sorts of prescription drugs through the post. I was a bit outraged that I'd never heard about this before.

[Viva Prat Vegas]

Imagine bursting in on a a pi55ed Charlie laying on that bed, a pile of cocktail sausages on a plate sitting on his gut and him telling you to pile in

[Burney]

Imagine bursting in on a a pi55ed Charlie laying on that bed, a pile of cocktail sausages on a plate sitting on his gut and him telling you to pile in

The extraordinary thing is that the person who did burst in on him saw that and STILL married him.

There's a tough woman for you.

[Sir C]

Was that Oxford?

Also, why was Gareth Malone weeping uncontrollably?

I believe it was, yes.

It was I who wept. The disableds were so grateful, b, as they croaked their cacophony of crippled choiring

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

On Panorama the other day, I found out you can legally buy all sorts of prescription drugs through the post. I was a bit outraged that I'd never heard about this before.

You can indeed but not controlled substances, that's the písser.