Off to do something stupid in a minute. After my violent food poisoning on Saturday

[AFC East]

I wonder if anyone has ever simultaneously puked and shít themselves at the bar of O'Neill's in Beckenham? bb may well be making history tonight. wd bb!

This made me chuckle.

I do hope he's wearing suitably light coloured trousers. It would be a shame if his friends missed the full wonderment of the moment.

[Burney]

Not 'at the bar' though, was it? Any fool can void himself in the khazi, b. True heroism is being blown asunder with one's foot still perched on the rail.

What would one do in that situation, though? Stand there and try and style it out, slowly retreating to the door? Or flee into the night like a feculent Mr Hyde, leaving behind a trail of soupy bowel water and chunder?

[Burney]

This made me chuckle.

I do hope he's wearing suitably light coloured trousers. It would be a shame if his friends missed the full wonderment of the moment.

Two pairs of pants, brown trousers and bicycle clips imo.

[Sir C]

What would one do in that situation, though? Stand there and try and style it out, slowly retreating to the door? Or flee into the night like a feculent Mr Hyde, leaving behind a trail of soupy bowel water and chunder?

That would depend entirely upon the quality of the establishment. Should such a thing ever happen to me in my usual watering hole, I would be carried gently to the bathroom and bathed by willing manservants. In a Wetherspoons, I suspect I would be battered senseless by the shaven-headed yob next to me.

[Sir C]

This made me chuckle.

I do hope he's wearing suitably light coloured trousers. It would be a shame if his friends missed the full wonderment of the moment.

I once saw a chap shít himself and it was immediately apparent because, somewhat surprisingly, the merde emerged enthusiastically from his waistband; thumbing its nose at gravity, the shíte travelled upwards.

wd shíte.

[Burney]

I once saw a chap shít himself and it was immediately apparent because, somewhat surprisingly, the merde emerged enthusiastically from his waistband; thumbing its nose at gravity, the shíte travelled upwards.

wd shíte.

Was he wearing very tight trousers? I can't think of any other explanation.

[AFC East]

Two pairs of pants, brown trousers and bicycle clips imo.

Good call.

This will be a classic liquid fart situation, so something akin to an MC Hammer style trouser would be ideal or perhaps a lycra rich drainpipe affair, in white.

[Sir C]

Was he wearing very tight trousers? I can't think of any other explanation.

No, they were sort of 50 year old suit trousers, foir he was a chap who lived in the back of an old Scammell truck parked behind the hangar on an airfield. Been there since the war, according to some.

Dead now, of course. Thank God.

[Burney]

That would depend entirely upon the quality of the establishment. Should such a thing ever happen to me in my usual watering hole, I would be carried gently to the bathroom and bathed by willing manservants. In a Wetherspoons, I suspect I would be battered senseless by the shaven-headed yob next to me.

I'm not sure you're right. Short of declaring a major medical emergency and calling an ambulance, I don't think any effective social mechanisms exist to deal with the eventuality of a grown man simultaneously puking and sh1tting himself. There can only be the terrible moment when everyone realises what's happened followed by panic.

[AFC East]

I once saw a chap shít himself and it was immediately apparent because, somewhat surprisingly, the merde emerged enthusiastically from his waistband; thumbing its nose at gravity, the shíte travelled upwards.

wd shíte.

How odd, but delightful all the same! His undergarments must have been very tight and of very high quality.