I know exactly who is to blame for last night.

[Sir C]

And are you a keen vapist now? Does your chosen device billow out great clouds of perfumed mist?

I am quite the stylish vapeur. The glw has a device which is adjustable and able to expel splendidly huge clouds; I favour a simpler, stick-like device.

We're down to the lowest nicotine level now. I can see the day coming when we'll sack the whole thing off.

One day I may well return to the fags, of course. I like fags.

[Burney]

It is hard to tell sometimes, isn't it?

I got a new flask at christmas. A massive fúcker. I'm going to be able to take gallons of tea up Helvellyn.

Tea. Hot(ish), milky tea. Will you also smack your lips and say things like 'Aaaah, that's good' as you consume the insipid beverage?

[Ash]

It is hard to tell sometimes, isn't it?

The discrepancies I find these days between his descriptions and my experience say much about my increasing reluctance to enjoy peril. So his "boring, grassy trudge" is my "pleasant, relaxing stroll" while his "exhilarating scenery" is my "treacherous crest of rock with certain death all around at the first slip of a boot".

[Sir C]

Tea. Hot(ish), milky tea. Will you also smack your lips and say things like 'Aaaah, that's good' as you consume the insipid beverage?

The tea from my flask is boiling hot, and it certainly does not contain milk.

You know nothing of the joy of tea from a flask.

There will also be sandwiches, Penguin biscuits and a flask of brandy erfectday:

[Burney]

I am quite the stylish vapeur. The glw has a device which is adjustable and able to expel splendidly huge clouds; I favour a simpler, stick-like device.

We're down to the lowest nicotine level now. I can see the day coming when we'll sack the whole thing off.

One day I may well return to the fags, of course. I like fags.

Do you know, you'd probably find the taste of a cigarette fairly repellent by now. Because that's the thing one doesn't realise when one is a smoker - fags taste bloody awful.

[Ash]

Tea. Hot(ish), milky tea. Will you also smack your lips and say things like 'Aaaah, that's good' as you consume the insipid beverage?

There's a specific buzz to be had from tea, maan.

No reason why one may not enjoy both tea and coffee.

[Burney]

The discrepancies I find these days between his descriptions and my experience say much about my increasing reluctance to enjoy peril. So his "boring, grassy trudge" is my "pleasant, relaxing stroll" while his "exhilarating scenery" is my "treacherous crest of rock with certain death all around at the first slip of a boot".

You like my 'Wainwright's Wànks' idea, don't you, a? Can you not just envision him in his cagoule, shaking his fist and saying 'BAH!' at the latest frustration of his onanistic antics?

[Ash]

Do you know, you'd probably find the taste of a cigarette fairly repellent by now. Because that's the thing one doesn't realise when one is a smoker - fags taste bloody awful.

This is the advantage (or disadvantage) of rollups. Unlike fags they don't actually taste disgusting.

[Sir C]

The discrepancies I find these days between his descriptions and my experience say much about my increasing reluctance to enjoy peril. So his "boring, grassy trudge" is my "pleasant, relaxing stroll" while his "exhilarating scenery" is my "treacherous crest of rock with certain death all around at the first slip of a boot".

I think he was a Billy Big Bóllocks type. I bet he shít himself regularly but failed to confess it.

[Sir C]

Do you know, you'd probably find the taste of a cigarette fairly repellent by now. Because that's the thing one doesn't realise when one is a smoker - fags taste bloody awful.

This is further proof, if such proof were needed, that you were never a smoker. I had a single drag on a Marlboro the other day and it was stunningly delicious.

Oddly, I had no real urge to take another drag.