I know exactly who is to blame for last night.

[Monty92]

We're on course to be a point or two behind Spurs by the end of next weekend. It's hardly as if my confidently asserted prediction is dead in the water.

That jinxy **** monty.

Let's string him up.

[Burney]

The man was the most appalling árse. I once blew my lungs out struggling up some near-vertical fúcking rock face and, when reading about it in his book later, saw him describe it as 'a gentle, grassy slope, suitable for children and invalids.'

****.

To be fair, you were smoking about 70 a day back then, so probably qualified for the latter category.

I take it you are still eschewing the oily rags?

[Burney]

We're on course to be a point or two behind Spurs by the end of next weekend. It's hardly as if my confidently asserted prediction is dead in the water.

No. When I saw the score last night, I immediately held you responsible, I'm afraid. I'm ashamed I may even have called you a bad name in my head.

[Sir C]

To be fair, you were smoking about 70 a day back then, so probably qualified for the latter category.

I take it you are still eschewing the oily rags?

Certainly. It is interesting that the difference in lung performance is pretty marginal. I believe that if you smoke tabs and don't exercise, you will be a wheezing cripple, but if you're fit, you're fit, fags or no.

Indeed, I suspect that the whole, 'smoking is bad for you' thing is a load of old cobblers.

Nevertheless, I currently choose not to indulge.

[Monty92]

To be fair, you were smoking about 70 a day back then, so probably qualified for the latter category.

I take it you are still eschewing the oily rags?

When I hiked the Inca Trail many years ago my tour group consisted of a bunch of lads from Somerset who had been heavily on the lash the night before the trek began, and a fat bird from Australia. On all five days I was the second from last to reach camp, only saved from complete humiliation by the fat Aussie

[Monty92]

No. When I saw the score last night, I immediately held you responsible, I'm afraid. I'm ashamed I may even have called you a bad name in my head.

I understand this reaction, so long as you know deep down that it is irrational.

Or to put it another way, judge me in May

[Ash]

The man was the most appalling árse. I once blew my lungs out struggling up some near-vertical fúcking rock face and, when reading about it in his book later, saw him describe it as 'a gentle, grassy slope, suitable for children and invalids.'

****.

Are you quite sure you were on the same route as he was describing?

[Burney]

Certainly. It is interesting that the difference in lung performance is pretty marginal. I believe that if you smoke tabs and don't exercise, you will be a wheezing cripple, but if you're fit, you're fit, fags or no.

Indeed, I suspect that the whole, 'smoking is bad for you' thing is a load of old cobblers.

Nevertheless, I currently choose not to indulge.

And are you a keen vapist now? Does your chosen device billow out great clouds of perfumed mist?

[Sir C]

Are you quite sure you were on the same route as he was describing?

It is hard to tell sometimes, isn't it?

I got a new flask at christmas. A massive fúcker. I'm going to be able to take gallons of tea up Helvellyn.

[Burney]

I understand this reaction, so long as you know deep down that it is irrational.

Or to put it another way, judge me in May

Us being comprehensively outplayed by the bottom-placed team in the table is pretty fûcking irrational also imo. Given which, I can only conclude witchcraft is at work and that you are at the bottom of it.