Mixed feelings on that VAR ****. I felt it worked

[Peter]

I'd agree that the standard of on-field umpiring has fallen dramatically, but would argue that that is because umpires are not being held to account for making poor on-field decisions. I'd argue that if your decisions are getting regularly overturned, you need to be kicked off the international umpire's panel and replaced with someone better. You'd soon see on-field decisions improving again.

The Malan thing is bizarre. Sure, it was a terrible decision, but I can remember worse from the days before DRS. However, I've played cricket for 35 years and never in all that time have I even feathered one and not known it (I mean I've stood there swearing blind I didn't hit it when I knew I did, obviously, but that's different ). That someone can smash the ball into his pad like that and not know he's done it enough to challenge the decision is simply astonishing to me.

In short, Malan was out there because he was a thick cünt.

Well..... how would you know, b? If you are convinced you didn't nick it then you cant know that you did, can you? It doesn't mean you didn't.

[redgunamo]

That's what they do in Rugby Union, the off field ref also tells the onfield ref that he's looking at something whilst the game continues, that way the decision is usually in place by the time they reach the next break of play.

Right. But I thought it was all my own idea

[redgunamo]

But it's not seemly at the moment. Referees are open to suggestions of bias and unfair dealing as things stand. Taking some decisions out of their hands can counterbalance that.

I am subjected to suggestions of bias and unfair dealing when doling out the pocket money. I'm in charge though; I'm responsible so I'm right and if they don't quit their caterwauling sharpish, they will get fück all

[Burney]

Well..... how would you know, b? If you are convinced you didn't nick it then you cant know that you did, can you? It doesn't mean you didn't.

As you know, p. The feel of the ball hitting the edge of the bat is something to which every batsman is immensely sensitive. Sure, the snickometer has shown us that there are infinitesimally small nicks that it's possible not to notice, but 99.995% of the time, if you nick it, you know. And given that Malan absolutely smashed the fücker, I cannot believe he didn't realise.

I remember on one occasion I was batting to save a game and did a great job of looking innocent as the fielders shouted for a catch behind. Once all the furore had died down and the wicketkeeper had finally finished calling me a cheating cünt. I looked down to take guard and there was a new, bright red mark on the edge of my bat

[Rich]

As you know, p. The feel of the ball hitting the edge of the bat is something to which every batsman is immensely sensitive. Sure, the snickometer has shown us that there are infinitesimally small nicks that it's possible not to notice, but 99.995% of the time, if you nick it, you know. And given that Malan absolutely smashed the fücker, I cannot believe he didn't realise.

I remember on one occasion I was batting to save a game and did a great job of looking innocent as the fielders shouted for a catch behind. Once all the furore had died down and the wicketkeeper had finally finished calling me a cheating cünt. I looked down to take guard and there was a new, bright red mark on the edge of my bat

I never really knew what to do in order to look innocent. I was always worried that the umpire would give me out based on my guilty appearance.

I usually went on a walk toward square leg while I twizzled my bat in my hands. But never knew if I should just stand there, re-take my guard and shuffle about nervously until the appeal died down.

[Burney]

I never really knew what to do in order to look innocent. I was always worried that the umpire would give me out based on my guilty appearance.

I usually went on a walk toward square leg while I twizzled my bat in my hands. But never knew if I should just stand there, re-take my guard and shuffle about nervously until the appeal died down.

The trick is to make immediate eye contact with the umpire and look extremely surprised and not a little offended that there should be such an obviously frivolous appeal. If you're feeling bold, you can add an indulgent look that says 'Oh, these over-enthusiastic children, eh? Bless 'em'.

This has worked more often than it should have done.

[redgunamo]

Again, players bear no responsibility for the right decision being made. They are, by definition, wholly biased and are only interested in getting what they can.

A referee has no allegiance other than to the truth. To stick to your decision when you are clearly wrong is the act of a ****

Sorry, no. It is not a crime to be wrong. But if people genuinely want to believe that officials get decisions wrong deliberately, maliciously, then everyone may as well go home as there's nothing to be done for them, with or without video.

[Rich]

The trick is to make immediate eye contact with the umpire and look extremely surprised and not a little offended that there should be such an obviously frivolous appeal. If you're feeling bold, you can add an indulgent look that says 'Oh, these over-enthusiastic children, eh? Bless 'em'.

This has worked more often than it should have done.

I would often show the keeper a slightly loose strap on my pad in an attempt to pacify him.

[Burney]

I would often show the keeper a slightly loose strap on my pad in an attempt to pacify him.

How often did that work? I'm going with 'never'.

One should never attempt to reason with wicketkeepers imo. They are generally subhuman.

[PSRB]

How often did that work? I'm going with 'never'.

One should never attempt to reason with wicketkeepers imo. They are generally subhuman.

Much the same as goalkeepers