Turds

[Donald]

Have you ever thought what a supremely inefficient mechanism the human defecatory process is? We really ought to do something about it imo.

I think its one of Gods jokes he played on us. Ive been close to tears many times while locked in the lav.

[Herbert Augustus Chapman]

I had never considered the fortunes a colostomy must save a chap in terms of lavatory paper before.

I'm not sure it's a sacrifice worth making, mind, but still.

And consider b, one may take a shít without the need to remove oneself from one's comfy chair.

And I should imagine it would be a hoot to whip out one's bag at dinner parties and threaten to squirt one's guests.

[Burney]

I think its one of Gods jokes he played on us. Ive been close to tears many times while locked in the lav.

For the sake of my mental health, I sincerely hope you're pronouncing 'tears' to rhyme with 'piers', there and not to rhyme with 'pears'

[Pat Vegas]

Do you not ever have emergency wons Pat? The wons which block the toilet and have you barracaded in the traps for hours and relatives wondering where you are?

The worst wons are when you don't have time to fully relax and have to cut yoru dump short.
So you are in a bit of a rush and your not quite finished but nothing else is coming out. causing like broken turd and hour of wiping.

[Burney]

And consider b, one may take a shít without the need to remove oneself from one's comfy chair.

And I should imagine it would be a hoot to whip out one's bag at dinner parties and threaten to squirt one's guests.

I fear the indignity of simply carrying around one's feculence in a bag would become irksome. And what if one suffered gastric problems? Would the thing just keep filling up?

Ideally, one ought to be able to hook oneself up to a pipe in the wall once a day that simply takes all the unpleasantness away and means one doesn't have to worry about it for another 24 hours. It seems ludicrous to me that human progress has not reached this point.