Unfortunately, it's the worst kind of chinese food. Not for me the glories of incandescent orange gloop coating my balls, nor a good, greasey chow mein. No ribs in brown Bisto lumps or congealing duck with tinned pineapple chunks.

No, I'm going to a supposedly 'good' chinese restaurant, where they serve the kind of bland, miserable pap you get in China.

The only saving grace is that I can drink. And I intend to do so with not a little gusto.

What sort of dinner fills you with feelings of disappointment beforehand?