Listen, men invented the game, didn't they? It therefore speaks to something peculiar to men. Women may understand the forms and even some of the technicalities (if they're particularly bright fillies), but they will never - NEVER - understand in their souls (if they have such things - I suppose we must presume they do) why it is that the game exists and what makes it truly great.
It's like us and childbirth. We'll never really get it.
"Plenty of strikers can score goals," he said, gesturing to the famous old stands casting shadows around us.
"But a lot have found it difficult wearing the number 9 shirt for The Arsenal."
Oh I quite agree. I heard a woman commentating on a football match once. It was excruciating.
I must, however, point a little something out to you wholly in a spirit, you understand, of fraternal love. If I ever see or hear you use the phrase 'it speaks to' again, I will pay to have you assassinated in the most painful way available.
I am shocked and saddened by what I have seen here.