Funniest name you've encountered so far today?

[Sir C]

Come on, what have you done?

I was described as surly and uncooperative by the Qatari embassy last year. Largely accurate I think.

Tree fellers is a classic.

I've done nothing. I am entirely innocent. I am being persecuted without recourse to counsel. In short, I'm the victim here.

[Luis Anaconda]

I've done nothing. I am entirely innocent. I am being persecuted without recourse to counsel. In short, I'm the victim here.

Typical Irishman - pleading innocence

[Sir C]

Typical Irishman - pleading innocence

"Oi niver planted dem bombs sorr, oi did not."

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

I've had no funny names but I started my morning with a very uncomfortable telephone call from an ambassador. Being roundly vilified whilst having to address your abuser as 'Your Excellency' is no good for the self-esteem, I can tell you that.

Did the ambassador to that small island off Papua New Guinea shout at you in pidgin?

[Peter]

"Oi niver planted dem bombs sorr, oi did not."

You see, I made an innocent joke. You two have gone too far.

[Sir C]

You see, I made an innocent joke. You two have gone too far.

When was the last time a stand up started a gag, "So Paddy and Mick walked into a bar..."?

Ben Elton killed comedy. FACT.

[Peter]

When was the last time a stand up started a gag, "So Paddy and Mick walked into a bar..."?

Ben Elton killed comedy. FACT.

I didn't have you down as a fan of old school, racist stand up, Sir C.

It takes all sorts I spose...

[Sir C]

I didn't have you down as a fan of old school, racist stand up, Sir C.

It takes all sorts I spose...

I've got DVD collections of all the greats, p. Manning, Davidson, Jones. Classic bantz.

[Peter]

I've got DVD collections of all the greats, p. Manning, Davidson, Jones. Classic bantz.

We are still no closer to knowing why you are in the dock with the FCO.

Can you at least tell us which Ambassador it was?

[Sir C]

We are still no closer to knowing why you are in the dock with the FCO.

Can you at least tell us which Ambassador it was?

I can say no more. GCHQ are undoubtedly monitoring this thread. (Some bloke's car is a week late )