So how will you treat your valentine tonight?

[Luis Anaconda]

I don’t need it to be February 14th to desperately plead for a shag, the demands of the media and modern society do not dictate to me.

I recall the excitement of this day when a young teenager, to rush home from school in a state of nervous anticipation to be met with no cards in the post, none. To then move on and when asked by mates to of course answer in the region of 5, perhaps 6 if you wanted to include the tarty girl from the big estate who would always allow you to put your hand inside her jumper.

Now I am nearly 50. I shall watch Champions League football perhaps and at this point I have no idea what my dinner will be. Whatever it is I can ensure you it will be based on minimum effort.

I get to spend it watching football and drinking with Withnail and Lar - what more could one want

[Sir C]

I'm right off sex now that I've been forced to visualise WES hammering away noisily, doubtless gushing torrents of sweat from every pore.

His poor wife must need a snorkel. And earplugs.

He is a big lad and hardly what one would describe as co-ordinated, so one imagines she must be a powerful lady to cope.

One is reminded of the Reginald D Hunter line, "I was at a party and I saw this girl I liked, she had a big ass and titties, you know. Looked like she could take a pounding."

[Sir C]

I get to spend it watching football and drinking with Withnail and Lar - what more could one want

One can only hope that Aphrodite will work her magic on this special day, and that the evening will end with the three of you in a writhing, sweaty mess of limbs and genitals.

Now that is an image with which to conjure.

Back in 5.

[Burney]

I get to spend it watching football and drinking with Withnail and Lar - what more could one want

Hey, a threesome's a threesome, la.

[World's End Stella]

I'm right off sex now that I've been forced to visualise WES hammering away noisily, doubtless gushing torrents of sweat from every pore.

His poor wife must need a snorkel. And earplugs.

I understand this view, Burney, but it is misguided.

Mrs WES does all the screaming such is the size of my engorged member, and for whatever reason, as sweaty a f@cker as I am in normal life, when engaged in sexual congress I sweat not one bead. Marvellous thing is the human body.

[SWv2]

I get to spend it watching football and drinking with Withnail and Lar - what more could one want

I was going to ask who you were expecting in town.

[Pat Vegas]

I understand this view, Burney, but it is misguided.

Mrs WES does all the screaming such is the size of my engorged member, and for whatever reason, as sweaty a f@cker as I am in normal life, when engaged in sexual congress I sweat not one bead. Marvellous thing is the human body.

It's all a bit graphic on here this morning.

[SWv2]

"Now some guys they just give up livin'
And start dyin' little by little
Piece by piece
Some guys come home from work and wash up
And go racin' in the street"

Of course it should be remembered that our protagonist, unable to find what he seeks on the strip, eventually "rides to the sea" to "wash these sins from our hands", a clear metaphor for suicide.

So perhaps ceasing to care about anything, becoming a cold, dessicated husk of what was once human, and choosing to schlubb in front of the TV has its merits after all.

I care about a lot of things, I just don't get fooled into silly sh*t like Valentines Day and indeed most other "events" created by media and card companies such as Mothers and Fathers day. They are *******s.

Birthdays I do.

Springsteen I assume??

[Sir C]

I care about a lot of things, I just don't get fooled into silly sh*t like Valentines Day and indeed most other "events" created by media and card companies such as Mothers and Fathers day. They are *******s.

Birthdays I do.

Springsteen I assume??

Racing In The Street. From Darkness On The Edge Of Town, 1978.

His finest album, I think.

[Burney]

It's all a bit graphic on here this morning.

On balance, I think I was less nauseated by Monty scraping shït out of his daughter's vagina.