11 years ago since we signed young Theo....

[Pat Vegas]

Fück coffee machines. She should offer to fulfil his most outlandish sexual fantasies in return for goals scored.

Yeah but he's got this fetish for a saucy barista.

[Burney]

Yeah but he's got this fetish for a saucy barista.

Actually, thinking about it, I suspect that Theo's most outlandish sexual fantasy is doing it with the light on.

[Sir C]

Actually, thinking about it, I suspect that Theo's most outlandish sexual fantasy is doing it with the light on.

Is that even legal?

[Burney]

Is that even legal?

Only if you're both wearing blindfolds and can't see any naughty bits.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

Whetever happened to him? He hasn't been playing recently, has he?

I thought he used to be good.

I seem to remember we were all rather excited to see that he could run like a greyhound. We then discovered his ability to control a football was probably inferior to that particular beast.