Watched Bridge at Remagen yesterday whilst tucked up on the sofa with a fire blazing.

[Sir C]

Work colleague spent Christmas in a cottage in the Lakes... said it was lovely with less people around and cold crisp mornings

I'm secretly hoping for snow.

[Burney]

It's not really worth travelling somewhere properly warm for the sake of a week, so I'm thinking we may as well embrace it.

It's going to be like living in an Ingmar Bergman movie, isn't it?

Well the women are a lot less attractive, I'm afraid.

[Sir C]

Well the women are a lot less attractive, I'm afraid.

I beg your pardon? Are you calling my wife a minger?

[Burney]

I beg your pardon? Are you calling my wife a minger?

Ah. No. Of course not. My comment was aimed at the general attractiveness (or lack thereof) of the womenfolk of Cumbria, who are beasts.

I, of course, would never presume your wife's gender to the extent of calling her 'a woman' at all.

[Sir C]

Ah. No. Of course not. My comment was aimed at the general attractiveness (or lack thereof) of the womenfolk of Cumbria, who are beasts.

I, of course, would never presume your wife's gender to the extent of calling her 'a woman' at all.

I was pleased to note that New TYork now recognises 31 different genders, including 'two-spirit' and 'hijra'.

Hijra. I'm afraid to look.

[Burney]

I was pleased to note that New TYork now recognises 31 different genders, including 'two-spirit' and 'hijra'.

Hijra. I'm afraid to look.

Apparently, it's what they call trannies in India.

[Sir C]

Apparently, it's what they call trannies in India.

So what's that got to do with New York?

These Americans are crazy.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

Why couldn't more Christmas telly be like that? Fück off, Harry Potter! Fück off, Sherlock! Fück off, Peter Kay's Warmed Up Comedy Leftovers!

War films, that's what you need. All Christmas. Obviously including Zulu

Surely there'd be room for "The King and I" though? Not a war film exactly but as manly a tale of derring do as was ever told.

[Herbette Chapman - aged 15]

My favourite christmas memory is of a christmas eve afternoon when I was 8 or 9, watching The Battle of the Bulge whilst my mother bustled around doing whatever mothers do on christmas eve.

That 9 year old is dead now, of course. As is she. All comes to dust, you see.

Ah well C, the wilderness must gather all its children back again to paraphrase the recently departed miserablist and great poet

[Burney]

Surely there'd be room for "The King and I" though? Not a war film exactly but as manly a tale of derring do as was ever told.

Certain musicals would of course be acceptable. Oliver! for instance, is excellent despite having no warfare in it whatsoever.