It is not unusual to see said naked chaps being massaged.

You have a bit of a thing about naked men. A bit of a hang up. Were you not exposed (as it were) to changing rooms at school?

I'm going to be frank here. What I'm actually saying is that my reading of the situation is that gentleman's parts cause you to squeal in this princess fashion because you're protesting too much.

In short, closet case.